What's Up with Familarity

We enjoy being with someone familiar. The familiar face, familiar distance, familiar sense, things that can be understood without overtly being expressed. We treasure this kind of familiarity, since not anyone can be this close to us, so does this means this kind of familarity would make you tolerate to any kind of mistakes or disagreements?

I happened to experience this kind of dilemma.

She is someone that I'm familiar of, we've known each other for more than 10 years. Familiar? Of course. Since a long time ago I have tolerated mistakes after mistakes that she had made, and I think she had done the same thing to me, because both of us were young and naive, where I can think back of those silly times and laugh out loud. Those days were young, meaning we can be quite unwise to our decisions. But now I consider myself a grown-up, and she is definitely more adult than I am, why is she still making the same old mistakes over and over again?

I'm not saying myself is much better than her, it's just that I can see through those same mistakes that I've made, and why can't she?

It's a boy problem, I would say. I believe most girls have done the same common mistakes before, being too in love and starting to drown yourself in it. Where people around you telling you that it's not the right person for you, and you refuse to listen or understand, and when you really get the consequences, you'll regret. I myself was in this kind of situation before, and I woke up, after so many painful scars that I've gained.

With this pain I try to talk her out of this mistake, to avoid her getting hurt. But it was useless, she won't listen.

I guessed I've gone overboard. Obviously I've bugged her nerve out. This familarity was broken, she was distant, and no longer share her thoughts with me like she used to be.

I was heart-broken. She is one of those closest to me, and I don't want to lose it. But at the same time I don't want her to repeat those mistakes, so I doubted my own choice. Am I doing the right thing to stop her? Yes she is an adult now but I was reminding her, am I in her way?

For this familiarity between us, should I tolerate with this? Should I just let go?

Simplicity is the Beauty

I hate it when people tend to twist things to become complicated. Why can't they just think simple and go through with it? Is it that hard to make things simple?

I admit I'm now in an emotional state, and I might be biased. Because I just went through a psychological shit, caused by someone who don't know how to uphold the platinium rule of simplicity. I now label that complicated person as "H".

Mr. H has been a wonderful and helpful person. We started well, ended well too. But when I tried to be friendly after that so-called ending, Mr. H seemed thinking too much and backing away. Like hell, was I acting like Godzilla?! I was not trying to eat you up or taking advantages from you! Can't you see that?

Damn it that mind of his can't twist simple, it just has to go around and twist everything into big fat furball. Fine! Since you can't accept this hand of friendship, or in your opinion the claw of this Godzilla, I might as well save my time and energy trying to show my friendly side of me. You can fuck off right away.

Why can't things be simple. Why can't the almighty human brain make things easier. If everything was to be easy I won't be cussing like hell right nowl. Damn it!!!

A Friend

I have a friend who is in his early 20's and enjoyed luxuries in his life. He is a talented man, and with his talent he earned his cash to enjoy the luxury he wanted. That was the first impression when I met him earlier this year, but the truth is we've known each other when I was 16. Yes, we've known each other for almost 5 years.

Before I met him he was a completely different man than I thought he would be. I thought he was a nice big brother who cared about person beside him, and he worked at midnight doing computer stuff. I was not sure about his occupation, I never asked and he never told. Such understanding between us was why I treasure this friend for, he was indeed a special friend when I was younger.

And he went away for better things in his life. I was not devastated, but somehow felt lost. I stopped playing online chatting after he left, feeling there's no more need towards it since the person who would chat late night with me was gone.

But he was back, with a brand new horizon and perceptions in his life. Of course he was different, but I thought that he would be the same person that I've known before he left. When I met him I felt like I was 16 again, the time when I knew this person, when I was so damn naive about this life. But after a while I knew I was wrong, time changed, and things would definitely change.

Although he was no longer the big brother that I know, I still treasure him as a friend. He was a good memory, and maybe knowing the brand new him would be better. But I was wrong again.

Does older means wiser? Because it seems to me that he's having more and more problems that he could not share. I remembered again at older times, when he used to tell me his problems. Now all I can do is to ask him to rest well, hoping he will feel better the next day. He seemed so helpless, I really wish I could help him.

My dear friend, nothing in this world can help if you keep all the problems within yourself. It would not go away, unless you want to speak it out loud and review it again. Maybe it's painful but still, you need to try to let them out! I can help you, believe me. Even if I can't, I can still give you my utmost support or even a simple hug.

Be strong, I'll be there for you.

Romantic

Do you choose to be natural or romantic?

Many would think that I'm asking crap, but actually you can google this two terms, they don't only carry certain surface meaning.

I am by nature not born pretty, slim or rich. Therefore I've a lot of disadvantages living in this world. Waiters won't give me extra kind services, teachers won't give me extra marks, friends don't give me extra damn. I've always look up to those who are by nature lucky - and with this I mean they are good looking people or they are born without worrying about money.

Those people must have done a lot of good deeds in their past life, if you believe in karma. So does that mean I am a bad person in my past life?

Well heck care about what my past life is about. What matters is here and now, and also the future. So there comes the romantic thingy I'm talking about earlier. If I choose to give in to my nature, I won't sit here now and say these things, because I believe there's nothing that I can do to change my life or destiny, I am what I'm born with.

But you know what, that is a total bull shit. No one must ever give in to nature, because we can always make a difference. So what you're not pretty? Make yourself presentable! So what you're not rich? Make yourself rich!

Effort + Purpose = Motivation ---> Success

Simple quotation as that, people understand but they seldom practice them. I wonder when they would learn their lesson and stop whining about the mistreatment they get and how unfair they've been treated.

Boys and Girls, the world is never fair. Just like comparing your own legs with Gisele Bunchan's, you will never get to that level.

Make your choice, Natural or Romantic? =)

I am...

Have you ever wonder where you stand among people?
What are you to them?
Do you matter?
Will they remember if you're not around?

Do you ever imagine what this life would be without the existence of you?
Will someone get happy?
Will someone get sad?
Will they mourn for you for a little then move on with their lives?

Can anybody know what do you mean for someone?
Are you a precious pearl?
Or a useless stone?
Will the person stand by you when you're head strong?

I stand as a micro person among people.
I'm not significant,
I'm not unique,
I do not matter.
I guess some would remember, though only once a while.

I am as tiny in this world, nothing matters with my non-existence.
Enemy would be happy,
Family would be sad.
They would mourn, but I want them to move on.

Nobody know what I mean to that special someone.
He never show, he never tell.
Not even me, I doubt even that.
I only know when I'm head strong,
I still have myself.

I stand alone tough.

I might have tears,

but I am strong.

With wings,

Fly.

Post Examination

I admit that I hate exams, but the end of it always made me wander aimlessly for a long time. Strangely, this time I don't get any sense of relieve after the exam, I don't feel lost, I just feel nothing.

This nothingness really scared me. Am I acting abnormal? I should be happy and shouting free, why am I not doing them?

After the last paper I hang out with my friends a little, and started packing bags after stepping in the room. I was in a hurry, wanting to clear out everything and leave that damn place. I suffocated and choked. I tried to be normal, I hopped on the car and get the hell out of that place.

I was running away, no doubt. I don't know what pushed me away.

And I was here, supposedly my shelter. And I got the same feeling. But I'm feeling better, at least I don't have to run away. But I saw things again, things that made my heart sober. I saw pictures and pictures of sweet old memories that doesn't belong to me, everywhere. But I kept silence, I know I have no place to comment.

Stuffs from past now kept messing with my head. I thought about my childhood, when I was in my primary. I was not a popular girl, and I tried hard to fit in. I'm always in the best behaviour, trying to please my friends. I remembered once that I was invited to a party at a rich friend's house. And I happily went, riding at the back of my daddy's old bike. But I was too early when I reach, clearly I have been misinformed of the time. The big gate was closed, and I waited patiently outside. Suddenly the gate opened, I thought they saw me standing like an idiot outside the door, and when I walked in, everyone looked at me as if I was a freak. The maid was actually opening the gate for the master's car, not me.

And I remembered a lot of incidents like this. Me being pathetic throughout my life, up until this point. I laughed scornfully at myself, are these the things that I should be thinking after my final exam?

So I guess I am really a freak. Haunting myself with this kind of though day and night, never giving myself a break.

I tried to get comfort from the shelter, but the shelter now seemed unsafe anymore. I fear I would get peel off if I get even nearer and deeper. I don't want to step foot on the dangerous ground.

I need fresh air. But where.

My angel, my love, my all

Love demands everything and that very justly,thus it is to me with you,and to you with me. Can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine,I not wholly thine?

Travelling the usual road here,I got some pleasure out of it,as I always do when I'm with you.

I miss your hugs,kisses and smiles.

If our hearts are always close together,I would have none of these.But I shall cheer up,for we shall see each other soon. Remain my true,my only,my all,as I am yours.

Ever thine,
Ever ours,
Ever yours.


Love,Jasmine

D-Day --> Coming Soon

Been so busy lately until I've abandoned the fun of bitching at my blog.. I feel so sorry for myself.. =.=

But mostly, its because my internet provider had went back to his beloved hometown, and dumped his beloved here without any connection. So I guess that was the biggest part of the reason why I feel sorry now. XD

It's been really hectic lately, but somehow I feel that every effort that I've paid, though not much, will fruit something sweet at the end of it. The theatre final performance are too soon to be true, but still all of us have to face it no matter what. We've been slacking for such a long time. =P

Well, I hope everyone will get good grades for this. 3 credit hours subject became our 18 credit hours of practice. =X

And this 24th October of 2009 will be the most anticipated event of all!! Not only it's the D-Day, it also marks the return of my internet provider!!!! Haha.. I think he would be so pissed-off when I labeled him as my internet provider, because he's so much more than that. ^_^

*huggies*

*sorry for the blurry picture, I just grabbed 'em from facebook =X*

Hopefully I can "successfully" hug him tight before the performance. I seriously need some support, and also my dress. =X

Do come support guys.. * 8pm sharp on 24th October 2009 (Saturday) at Panggung Percubaan UPM, free admission*

The Greatest Love

1940, when we were 17. I met you at the small town of Seabrook. I'm a miner that proudly earn 40 cents per hour, and you're a lady going to college. I could never forget the night I met you. You were playing bumper car with your friends, and you were laughing. Boy, I could not take my eyes away from you. You are glowing in that smile, outshine everyone besides you. And I could see only you, just you.

I climbed up to the Ferris Wheel and forced you to go out with me. You said no, because you don't want to. I let go of one hand, you screamed. I asked again, "Will you go out with me, and I think my hands are slipping." You screamed again, "Yes!!". I made you shouted out loud that you want to go out with me. "I Want To Go Out With You, Because I Want To." I smiled a wicked smile, and you go pissed. You leaned against me, and started to take off my pants. you made me get half naked on top of a Ferris Wheel. You laughed again, "Next time you won't be so cocky."

Mr. Underwear was what you called me the next we met. I went in front and claimed for the date that you promised. You said no, but you said I'm good in flirting. No, I'm not. I could only fall in love with the girl I saw in front of me. But you were already in your family's car, and I can only wave goodbye.

Friends set up a double date for us to watch a movie. They made out, and both of us concentrated on the movie. We decided to walk back home. I made you lie down on the street, looking at the traffic light to turn from red to green. A car nearly went through us, but we were laughing. The next thing I knew, we were dancing in the middle of the street and I hummed a tune. You said it was the ugliest tune in the world, but you loved it.

We were together. We fought a lot, but we made it up quickly. We loved each other even more everyday. You met my father in the countryside, I met your parents in your grand summer house. Your mother told me you are going to New York. I stumbled, but I hold on.

It was the day, we almost made love to each other. 2am in the morning, your parents sent police looking for you. You fought with your parents, saying that you love me. Your mother called a trash. I left. You ran down the stairs, and I said the word. We broke off.

Your family took you away the next day. I ran to your empty house, looking through the gate. You're gone.

I wrote everyday for a year, 365 letters, remained unreplied.

I went to the army, and my best friend died.

I came back home, father sold his old house for me to buy the abandoned house by the riverside. You once said you want a white house with blue window pane. You want a room overlooking the sunset so that you can paint. You want a balcony where you can drink tea with me. I did it all. I know you will find a way to come back to me.

But you're not. I saw you in town that day, kissing another man. You have a diamond ring on your hand, you're getting married.

Somehow you knew I've built the house. You came visit before your wedding. We finally made love to each other.

You struggled to choose between me and your fiance. But you chose me, because your mother gave you back my 365 letters.

We were married, we have 1 son and 2 daughters. And we have 2 grandchildren. And you were sick, you couldn't remember anymore.

You wrote a book, a story between us. You said, "Read this to me, and I'll come back to you."

I read to you everyday, hoping for a miracle. Sometimes you remember, for 5 minutes. And you forgot.

I read to you again. You remembered this time. We danced while having our candle light. And you pushed me away, looking at me and screaming as though I'm a stranger. I saw doctors injecting medicine in you. I saw you were in pain. I cried, but I have to leave you.

I looked back to the pictures we took. I slept, and I had my third heart attack in the last 18 months. I managed to come back. I walked to your room. I thanked the nurse for getting the second cup of coffee for herself.

I sit by your side, looking at you. You were too peaceful, I don't want to wake you. You opened your eyes, and you called my name. You remembered again.

I held you hands tight, and I lay by your side. "Go sleep, my sweetheart. I will be by your side."

The nurse found us the next morning, holding hands, going back to Him. Death could not do us apart.

Farewell to Morality

Taken from The Sun Newspaper 5th October 2009 issue, by Nury Vittach

With deep sorrow, I regretfully have to inform the world about the sad demise of Morality. She died recently after a long, slow illness. Morality was at least 2000 years old.

Her death was not unexpected, as her entire family has had a bad run in recent decades.

Morality’s mother, Values, died in Wall Street in the 1980s. Her father, Justice, was murdered in a contract killing by the world’s highest paid lawyers at O.J. Simpson’s trial at 1995.

Morality herself kept a low profile for the past 20 years, and now, at the time of her death, has been almost forgotten.

She is being mourned only in churches, temples, and other places considered “old-fashioned and out of touch” by the majority of the people.

But her death matters: None of her three children – Integrity, Ethics and Humanity – are likely to survive without her…

Such were my gloomy thoughts looking through my diary last week. Three incidents led me to believe that morality have left us.

First, I saw a pair of trainee filmmakers returning from an overseas trip with bags full of copied DVD.
They didn’t seem to realize they had just robbed themselves.

Second, the headmaster of a high-class school gave a speech to his pupils telling them they must not steal things from other students “because you may get caught”.
He didn’t realize that stealing is wrong even if you don’t get caught.

Third, I was at a meeting where a senior university administrator told students: “Do not download pirate software onto university computers. It’s fine to do that at home, but not here.”
Er, no, it isn’t fine to do that at home, either.

In a moral world, we do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. In a world without morality, everyone does whatever they think they can get away with: that’s an ugly, scary place, but that’s the world we are creating for ourselves.

But then came a piece of good news. A friend at the BBC told me that his organization had commissioned one of the world’s cleverest people, top Harvard professor Micheal Sandal, to identify the biggest problem of today’s world.

The boffin presented his conclusions at a series of talks called the Reith Lectures 2009, which you can hear free on the Internet.

The current global crisis was not caused by subprime mortgage defaults, bubble economies, or excessive pay for bankers, he said. It was caused by the disappearance of morality.

But it can be revived, he added.

The world has to engage in a debate “that engages more directly with moral and even spiritual questions”, and allow that to lead human society to “moral and civic renewal”.

I saw the pirate DVD collectors at the bar a few nights later. “why aren’t you at home watching your rip-off DVDs?” I asked.
Their sad reply: “Someone stole our TV.”

I realized it would be immoral to laugh at their misfortune. But I couldn’t help it. That was then second best bit of news I had heard that week.

Justice may be dead, but there IS a God, and He has neat timing and the wildest sense of irony.

If Only

If only there's one day left on Earth, what would you want to do?

Shoe-shopping,
Eat 10 hot chocalate fudges at once,
The Calvin Klein underwear model, maybe getting to know him better is a good idea...

...

Silly you, no.
It's a no-brainer.
I Want to Spend Time With You, just You, where Everything else Don't Matter.


Luv,
It doesn't matter there's five minutes or fifty years left on Earth.
You have taught me how to love,
and to be loved.
I never dare to feel love in my life.
It's you,
you made me make decision that I don't usually make,
and that makes all the difference.
I love you, luv,
I love you.

He had a dream, he saw what's happening.
He told me about it, but I don't believe it.
He just wanted to say everything,
He told me how I taught him love.
If only I know,
If only I have the time to tell him that I love him too.

If only the watch don't crack,
If only I promise her to Ohio,
If only the coke didn't spill on my shirt,
If only I don't go to the meeting,
If only I remember her graduation concert.

If only...
If only...
If only...

The Authority has just MADE my day

What a wonderful day to receive a good news. Birds are chirping, flowers are blooming, everything is glowing, and I was facebook-ing.

"Waaa... I'm so happy to tell you all that our allowance has been reduced to Rm 2490 per semester / 6 months. YIPPIEEE ~!! "
"Oh really? That's such a good news!! Where did you heard that from?"
"An inside story from the Authority. It's kinda confirmed already, so YIPPIIEEE ~!!"
"Cool... Any reason why the Authority made this wonderful decision?"
"SATU MALAYSIA they said. Demi Pencapaian!! HURRAYYYY ~!!"

There you go, a piece of good news from the Authority High Above. What a pleasant thing to hear for all those students involved, like Me. =)

Well well at least the students now can start to think less about their results and studies that had been so darn stressful for them! Now they can think of something elso with more FUN!

• Places to get part time job. Woohooo ~
• How much money they can earn from the part time job. Yeah ~
• How can they skip boring classes to make time for their job. Way to Go ~
• How can they use their salary to have cool gadgets. Oh my God ~
• How they might just use this money to pay off the contract with the government. Yesssss ~

The Authority has definitely made my day. I love them so much. Yeah.

Ha-Chooooooo

Dunno how on earth I got flu today. Keep sneezing non-stop. But I hope I would last until this Saturday, at least I don't have to play the stupid handball. =.=

Talk about handball, I think I would most probably fail my curricular subject this semester. Can't help it, I just completely suck in sports.

Well hopefully my virus will disappear on Sunday, then I can concentrate on my Grammar Micro-Teaching on Monday. Good luck to me and Yiing. =)

Haaaa-Chooooooooo ~ =X

Mysterious = Excitement?

Someone told me that if something is not mysterious enough, it won't be interesting, because everybody else is there to see it. Just like a blog, if it's not hidden and open for public reading, it will not motivate him to do any further reading.

I had a good laugh when I heard this, although it was 1.30am in the morning and I was kinda sleepy. So I replied, some of my friends would want to read them, and making my blog not user-friendly isn't convenient for my readers.

Yea yea I admit I don't have many of my so-called "readers", but I do have "some" okay? =P

So that actually made me think, putting my personal thoughts online and share it with public, is it a wise thing to do? People may just steal something personal from you and make it theirs. *as in the case of plagiarism* But again, who would want to steal your personal stories?

For me, blogging is a way for me to release my stress and to share my sharable personal experiences to my friends. Take it as a lesson, or just merely reading a not-so-interesting story. So take it this way,

Letting someone to read your stories isn't a bad thing, as long as it is beneficial for them, then it is also a good thing for you. =)

So I guess I'll continue blogging like this, just the way I like it to be. ^_^

Will You Die Because of Love?

Thank You - Jerry Yan
a very touching song by Jerry Yan (one of the F4 member in Taiwan)

Recently I had encountered such a case, a distant friend of mine had just commited suicide, because of love. I did not know this news until an acquaintance of mine told me that, this news might be a fake, since there are so much possibilities of lies in there.

So I checked on the person's profile in Facebook, deceased. Lots of wall posts and comments asking why, but remained unreplied by the owner. So I assumed, the news is true. Deceased.

And I checked on my acquaintance's personal message. Yeah, deceased.

Believe me, I was totally stunned at that time, totally speechless. I've never encountered such things before. I can understand a sickly person is going away soon, I can understand accidents, I can understand an elder dying, but not a person at such young an age.

Love is blind, and because of love, a person's life was gone. Indeed, love has blinded the person from making a wise decision to move on.

May you rest in peace. I promise I will take care of her as far as I can, for your sake.

How Far Can Determination Bring You?

Exactly how far can your determination can bring you? I guess people hardly would ask themselves this question. They will question only the furthest that they can go with their so-called limited ability.

But the fact is human's might is never limited, except when you are fighting against the almighty God. Why are we feeling weak and lazy since we actually have the strength to go on? Why don't we just challenge ourselves to move one step further? All these are human's fault. It's the same as possessing the trait of selfishness. As long as you are a human, you can't help it, you will just do it.

How pathetic a human can be.

If you guys have the time, try to watch Edison Chen and Sam Lee's "Dog Bite Dog". It's a Hong Kong production movie that made Sam Lee the best actor in HK's Golden Horse Award. And you will see, how far can a human's determination go.

A Slim Girl Can Get Anything?!

Very often we see on TV or on magazines, cover girls are always skinny with beautiful bone structure and slender body figure. And very often I've wonder, when would these cover girls be changed to a slightly meaty girl who has fuller body and squeezable cheeks? I guess not, FHM and PlayBoy wouldn't sell as good as it is right now.

I know I'm making a very general statement here, probably some slim girl would shout at me saying.

"We did not, we have same gains and loses like you do too~"

But slim girls would have to admit that they have better opportunities than "chubby" girls.

Girls, please don't hate me for this. I'm speaking as general, therefore no personal involvement in this.

I don't really know why I blog about this, maybe because I just re-watched "The Confession of a Shoppaholic", and again I wonder what is Rebecca Bloomwood aka Girl in Green Scarf is just a girl with all those writing talents but not the looks, would her boss still fall for her?

This would definitely lead to a lot more assumptions and examples, and all these are questions for us to ponder on.

Which one do you prefer? =)

The Ugly Truth

What really is the ugly truth of men-women relationship? That women are such control freaks? And men are just bunch of cowards who only think using their penis?

I've watched and I really liked this movie, had a good time laughing out loud but still, I don't think that movie had conveyed it all. If the problems between men and women can be explained in such simple note, the divorce rate would not be cropping up every year; psychologists and consultants would have to pull grass from the road side to cook soup with sand as seasoning. If we have women as control freaks, what about those men who limited their wives and girlfriends to cover up every inch of their bodies with unsighted clothes? If we have men who are just bunch of cowards what about those women who only have minds all over themselves but the others?

So now you will clearly see that this is not about masculinism or feminism. It is about the SELFISHNESS of human, regardless men or women. When you are selfish, you tend to control people to go your way. When you are selfish, you are confined in your own feelings. And this selfishness can never be cured as long as you claim yourself as a human, you just can't help it.

The ugly truth is, we are all selfish. We are just a bunch of selfish idiots.

Short and Sweet =)

Finally had the guts to cut my hair short. The moment when I saw my long hair that had been loyally followed me for the past 3 years falling off my shoulder, I was actually letting out a big sigh. Unbeliebable huh? But I was in fact quite happy about my long hair being chopped off.

*Photo will be uploaded soon when I took a good one. XD*

Well it was a rather out-dated cut actually, dated back when Rihanna sang "Umbrella". Yea yea it was a bob cut which "someone" had cut before *grinning* but I am definitely not picking up some cheapo second hand stuff. I think this cut suits me, so I go for it. No copy-cating was involved in any of it. XD

And I'm glad this new hair cut brought me new friend, a friend that I have missing the chance to meet him 5 years ago and meet him now. He was exactly the same as I had expected, and it's a pleasing experience to see him. At least I got to know that Jagoyah Japanese Buffet at StarHill sucks to the core. No point paying Rm68++ to go for an unworthy food. =X

So now, I'm proudly saying that

I HEART MY SHORT HAIR !!

p/s:

To KeaKeaz, glad that I've met you. Sorry for being "too over-whelming", I was just kidding about the N97, it was only meant to tease you. So don't mention about it okay? Cheers.. =)

It's Finally Over

And it's a good thing.

Usually when we end a relationship we would somehow feel heartache, maybe you're aching because of the time or money wasted, or mayve you're aching because of the efforts and love you've put in.

My previous relationship, although not a biggy for people around me, has ended in a good note today. I received a message, saying that it's time to take a break and breath his own air. Honestly I felt a sense of relieve. Finally I don't have to pull my neck to anticipate what's coming next, finally no more negative aura lurking around me with unreturn messages and calls.

So I did not feel any heartache, although I did spend my time and efforts in it.

Am I acting weird? Or rather cold-blooded, because I believe this is not the ending that both of us had expected early in this relationship. We did hoped that things will turn out well, and even extended to the stage of marriage, but things just didn't work, so we accepted it. And should we feel dreadful because of this? Personally I don't think so, because at least you'll have some time on your own reflecting on your own actions and get someone better.

And it's finally over. Round of applause.


p/s: For you, I once said that this blog is for you to get to know what am I doing everyday while you're away, now it is still the same. I will still take you as a friend, and this blog is for you to know that I'm perfectly fine and okay with everything. So no worries okay? Cheers.. =)

I Heart Cooking =) But I Hate Doing Dishes =X

Cooking Day ~!!

Earlier today I was in a really good mood.. I woke up kinda early (around 11am =P) and looked around the house, thinking maybe I can do some special thing today.. Then all of a sudden a light bulb lighted !! Ta-Da ~ I can cook today!!

So I went down the mini mart and bought some basic stuff, having totally clueless of what kind of dish I want to make. So I ended up buying some vege, two tomatoes, one can food, button mushroom, fish cake, some eggs, garlics, onions and ginger. I carried all the things back to the house, lied them down in front of me, and started to think. What can I make with all these.

So I've decided to have 2 dishes for the lunch. Simple, but fast enough to be cooked within 1 hour. (I only have a multi-cooker). And my light bulb lighted again. Ta-Da ~


Here goes my cooking journey:-

1. Dice the garlics, around 3 pieces of it.
2. Cut 1 onion into half, then cut accordingly before you peel of the layers one by one.
3. Smash half the ginger first before you cut it.
4. Dice the tomato.
5. Cut the button mushroom into half.
   
6. Cut the vege.
7. Cut the fish cake.
   
8. Open up the can food.
9. Prepare an egg.
10. Prepare some oyster sauce for later use.

I heat up the stove and pour some oil in it. First up, i fry the egg before pouring in the can food. Stupid multi-cooker is NOT a non-stick pan, and I have re-wash the wok before I begin my next piece - MY MASTER PIECE !! XD

I admit I suck in cooking, but at least when I put my effort in cooking, things will somehow turn out quite okay. So I guess it's not an exception today, so again, I pour in some oil, wait until it heated up and put in those garlics first.

1. Wait till the garlic is a bit yellowish, then put in the onions.
2. Fry for a while, add in the ginger.
3. Fry a while more, then put in the fish cake.
4. Make sure the fish cake is half cooked before you put in the tomotoes.
5. Stir the mixture of ingredients until the tomatoes are a bit "hancur" and watery. Add in the button mushroom with its can water in it.
6. Shimmer for a while, and wait till the sauce is a bit sticky and aromatic.
7. Add in the vege and continue frying and stirring.
8. Add in oyster sauce.
9. Cook for a while and serve.

Voila ~ It's my master piece with No-Name. =P


I guess both of us enjoyed eating. We did finished up those dishes except the can food with egg because it's rather salty. >.<



And it's dishes time. NOnoNOnoNO ~ T___T

We are going crazy

Another outing day with Steven and Rody.. And this time, we are all going crazy.. =.="

Its was 10.30am in the morning on Saturday Rody texted Steven: "Bro, wanna go Matta Fair, its at PWTC.."
So Steven and I, after some discussion and found out that we got no other place to go to, decided to go out with Rody again: "Ok, see you in one hour at Bandar Tasik Selatan.."

So we took bath and got ready, went down stairs and I said, "Steven, hungry leh, lets go have breakfast, the Rapid bus won't arrive so soon".
We are absolutely right, after we had our meal, the very "punctual" Rapid bus came in sight and we boarded on bus.
Before this we heard that the infamous T429 that send us back and forth from Putrajaya Sentral to Cyberjaya would somehow be "upgraded" into U429 and the price is increasing from Rm 1.00 to Rm 2.00 due to the so-called "upgrade". But yesterday, when we personally boarded on the bus, we were totally shocked - THE RM 2.00 TICKET PRICE IS MEANT FOR SINGLE JOURNEY, meaning no more reusing ticket !! At that moment Steven and I were liked : What the F*** , so the ticket price has increased 300% lah.. @#$$%^&*^%$#@!~

Stupid Rapid KL, the service is the same suckiness, but the price is the triple.. So, Rapid KL is crazy.. =X

Then when we reached Tasik Selatan, Rody was already there waiting for us for almost 1 hour (sorry Rody =P).. Judging from his look he was not sleeping well the night before. And reality proved us right, he was not sleeping at ALL.

So three of us, like three crazy fellas, moved towards our next destination by the brother of Rapid KL bus - Rapid LRT. Rather smooth-sailing I would say and there we reached our destination, Matta Fair at PWTC.

The first scenery that greeted us is a bunch of show girls wearing superb short skirts promoting Reliance tourist company. Two guys were excited, and I just laughed out loud looking at their reactions. We were later greeted by 3 floors of exhibition floors and people there were like crazy lot. Everybody was eager to get some cheapo trips there. And indeed we had found out some really good deals in that fair.

1. Genting Highland 2 days 1 night stay at First World Hotel (standard room) during low peak season - Rm 38.80 including breakfast for 2, available until March 2010
2. AirAsia Ticket KL - JB, Penang (Rm 19), KL - Kuching (Rm 39), all inclusive
3. Bali 3 days 2 nights Ground Arrangement - Rm 139 / person
4. Pulau Lang Tengah 3 days 2 nights Snorkelling and Jungle trekking - Rm 360 for 4 person including snorkelling gears, accomodation and food. (Pricing for this Raya Holiday)

So there we were shouting Hooray towards those crazy deals. But what can a student do when they see these cheapo deals? They would of course opt for the cheapest and easiest one. XD
Genting Highland here we COME !!

After that we went for Kenny Rogers at the Mall nearby PWTC. It was around 4pm that time and we decided that its still rather early to make the trip back.

"Roderick, you went before The Mines?" "No leh, why?" "Walau you study at UKM never go The Mines before?" "...." "Lets go The Mines lah, we go have some good dinner there."

So our next stop is the boring The Mines that has been haunting me for 3 long semesters. LOLX
To let the jakun Roderick open his jakun eyes, Steven and I took him to the venice ride. (its actually the boat ride from KTM Serdang to Mines) =X

We 3 crazy fellas end up wandering around Mines Shopping Centre with absolutely nothing to do. =.=
After that expensive dinner in Sushi King, Rody was totally awake!!


For the first time of my time knowing Roderick Lim, his image of a nice obedient boy had totally ripped apart. He was so funny, so crazy and so.. so.. so.. *speechless*
Anyway, he's not the Rody that we usually see. =X
The haywired Rody later suggested to buy some pressie for his two new pets, Little Greenie and Little Yellow, named after the colour of their shells.


TA-DA.. New house for two little cute tortoises. =)

So with this it marked the end of our crazy journey on Saturday. We passed by the Flea Market with only fleas of people around,


Steven and I took the crazy company of Rapid KL back to Cyberjaya, and all 3 crazy fellas day ended.

p/s: Salty balls and Sourplum in action. ROTFL

sleeping problems

I'm missing that piece of sky.

I close my eyes and my world is not black, I see blue, red, orange, and gold. I see the sun shines brightly, I wanted to smile, but when I realised the dark clouds above my head, my smile faded.

Talk about nightmares, this nightmare is really pea-ish.

And for a few days I refused to sleep early. I would slack around and do some stuff, never allow myself to touch my pillows. Until I was really tired and finally draged myself to the bed and went off.

This is sick, I know. But it's out of my control, you know.

Right now I'm sitting down and looking at this screen, and I whisper: This lappy sucks, how I wish I can change it tomorrow. My roomate still hitting hard on the keypad, trying to finish up her thesis draft to her supervisor tomorrow. I am hitting hard on my keypad, trying to make the uneasy feelings in my stomach to go away.

Sooner or later I'll go crazy.


I'm the rag doll here.. with a sewed smile..

Merdeka ?!

Finally finished the stupid mid-semester exam and had few days of rest.. But assignments kept flooding to my nostrils and hell, I wonder who could cope with that flow.. I kept cursing my lecturer and flip my fingers at every sheets of papers I received.. That was really hell of a month..

Luckily the university still remember there's something call Independence Day of Malaysia and students were given a weekend off (approximately 4 days).. I see lots of my coursemates packing bags and rushed back home, but I was still there, waiting for shuttle bus to send me to somewhere I like more.. *guess where* XD

So here I am now, having the bliss of internet and facebooking like nobody's else business.. This few days was really fun-filled, and I really had a great time with my dear ones. Although it would sound so darn common to some of you but it was really a good time-off for me from the mountains of assignment shits.. =P

First stop, Cyberjaya.. Luckily there's no jams yet when I'm on my way here.. Spent a nice night here because I can FINALLY sleep well without those horrible nightmares.. =)

Second, Mid Valley.. I GOT SO DAMN LUCKY.. I bought CLEO earlier that week to see if there's any freebies to get from special counters.. At first I was real upset because I just realized that Mid Valley has NO ANNA SUI COUNTERS.. There goes my free 15ml rich moisturized foundation.. =X
Later I went to the CLINQUE counter and yesh, i got my 7 days free trial foundation.. =P
But what surprised me the most was that they actually offered me a FREE MAKEOVER !! I was like:-

"Really?" (eyes blinking)
"Yeah, why not? It's morning and we don't have many customers yet.."
"Cool.. Thanks a lot.." (grinning)
...
"Do you always spend time outdoors?"
"Errr.. not really.."
"Do you use sunblock when you're outside?" (starts to look scary)
"No?.."
"What??? Can you see the dead skin cells on your face? You must at least scrub your face twice a week !!"
*speechless*

Well.. The beauty consultants just want me to look pretty.. So I just take in those words and swallow them hard.. Yes I will buy a facial scrub and scrub my face twice a week.. =X


So this is the result.. LOL

It's just a minor makeover with eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, blusher, liquid foundation, compact powder, lipstick and lip gloss.. *Talk about MINOR* x_X

Later went to karaoke again, and it's time to fill my bottomless tummy.. XD
We picked, SUSHI ZANMAI !!

My greedy face.. =.=

Sushi Zanmai serve really good and affordable japanese food.. The bill for 3 of us (Steven, Rod and me) is only RM75++.. And all of us came out with satisfaction.. =)

So the next day is movie day, went to watch The Orphan at Alamanda.. SCARY~ But worth watching.. You guys should really go..

Finally, its today, and its time to go back to shit hole again.. LOLX.. Looking forward for another break off.. Which is next week.. haha..

p/s:
To my Lucy dearie, please take care of your foot.. MELAKA is a NO-NO place for me now.. Always brings us bad luck =.=

How to act proper?

how to give a correct reaction to something that happened around you? when you clearly feel dissapointed, but you choose to hide your true feelings and act that everything is fine and okay just to avoid a possible conflict..

am i doing the right thing?

every relationship needs honesty, be true to one self so that the relationship can go long lasting without any misunderstanding or arguments.. but sometimes things wont happen like what we planned or expected.. just as the moment i saw those words that proved that they were once so close and so happy together, i feel myself as the third party who got into the two of them..

i only dare to speak out here.. i do not dare to tell him.. i'm scared..

so is this a proper act? for not being honest but my action is to avoid any possible fights between us.. our relationship is not in a stable state, and i am quite certain that it wont go anywhere far in this short period of time.. we will still face the same problem as he had faced before, we will still have to be parted in to distinct places.. we will still be seperated..

one day, i wish that one day never come..

Letting Go

learning to let go is definitely not an easy thing to do..

when you are struggling to let go of the things that you had once loved so much, the memory would be inevitable, the pain will always be there.. it brings you laughter and also tears.. but this is life, and we just have to take it and accept it..

i have learn to let go of a lot of things.. making choices and facing those consequences were painful, but i am now slowly getting use to it.. getting number of those sorrowful feelings is what i am doing now.. keep telling myself, "it's going to be fine" and "it's going to be over soon" is now my everyday in-front-of-mirror-chanting.. i know i had repeated this over and over again in my previous entries, but things just kept on repeating in my life, and i choose to spill it all out here..

i know it's hard, and i'm still learning.. everything that happened in my life is my destiny prepared by god, and i believe these hardships will make me a better person in life.. i admit that i am not a person with outstanding personalities or carry the best behaviour, but everyday i try to improve myself, seeking my own weaknesses and try to improve them.. at least i made the effort, don't i?

i know people talk behind my back, i know some who talk and some who don't.. yes, i dislike and despite their behaviours, but again i tell myself what is the use to confront them and be angry about what they have done? i chose to avoid a conflictal situation, and i don't see any problem in it.. people take it as a coward act, but i said, i save a lot of time, energy and other people's trouble.. i do not want my friends to choose side, they have the right to be with any sides of friends..

thats why i said, letting go is a hard thing to accomplish.. i consider it as an achievement in life.. i learn to let go, although painful, but i will take it with every ounce of might.. may i be blessed with love always with those who really love and care about me.. i love you guys too.. thanks for being with me.. =)

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive your car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dump combat shoes,
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much that it makes me sick,
And even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you always write.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around,
And the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
Not even close,
Not even a little bit,
Not even at all.

I'M NOT LUCKY, I'M NOT A SLIM FREAK..

lately i've been so uncomefortable with my own body.. everyone around me had noticed my bloated tummy, as if i was pregnant or something.. well i'm 80% sure that i'm not pregnant, nut it's really hard for me to ignore the fact that i'm GAINING WEIGHT.

well if you're planning to say that i look just fine and i'm not fat, now i would have to tell you that i just weighted myself, and i gain 3kg!!! i don't know what i did, maybe i've eaten a lot over these few months, where the stress was really building up and everything.. i start to think what should i do about this situation. should i cut down on food consumption, take only protein and cut all carbs? or i should take supplements, slimming pills or what? anything that can make all the fats to go away?

then i think of what my friends said to me
- love your body... I'm loving my body, i'm trying to make it more attractive.
- you're not fat... can you explain my weight?
- you look fine... can i give my bloated tummy to you and tell you that you look fine?
- at least your leg is still small... have you ever seen a thin drumstick?

so in conclusion, its time for me to lose the weight.. i can't continue to feel sorry for myself and let myself become more stressful.. or i'll end up eating more.. say good luck for me will you? and please support me if i say i'm skipping my meal or i can't finish my food.. i really do mean it..

KIV

Mommy said:"Why not put in KIV?"
Lyo said:"Just spend more time, bear with it."

Who should I listen to? I can't make up my own mind. But I assure myself, I'm busy too, it's fine... I should understand the situation going on now.

How long can I say this to myself? Only God knows. I hope I won't have to kick some sorry ass one day. =)

Good day to me, to you, and to everyone.. Going to have my micro-teaching later, hopefully I got enough teacher presence to bluff the marks from Mr.Harold.

p/s to you

I'm missing someone.. Real badly.. Too bad I can't reach him.. That is why I'm writing this..

People starts to talk.. I listened.. But kept silent.. I wanted to shout, but what came out is just a deep sigh..

I know it's me, I'm never upset.. I just want you to know.. That..

I. M.I.S.S. Y.O.U.

Sorries

Lately my posts are full fo sorries.. Sorry here, sorry there, can't help but keep apologizing to anyone in any situations. I don't know what's happening to me, maybe my generosity had expanded to a higher level, that i will forgive anyone in milisecond. Is it a good sign or a bad sign? My friends say I'm starting to lose my ground, keep swaying around and got carried away by what the others say. Is it true? If it's true why I haven't notice a thing?

Maybe I'm back to the timid me again, keep asking for other people's forgiveness. I'm like diving back to my black era. It's scary to think of that time, but I keep assuring myself that everything's fine, everything's ok. Seems like this magic chant never seems to fail me. At least I feel slightly better after that inner-hypnotisation. LOLX..

God knows what's it like to talk through things to myself, like I'm having serious mental problem. =X

But that's the only way I can find to fight my negativeness. Mr. Harold in drama class today said girls always tend to sort out the negative things first before the positive ones, to prepare for the worst. Well, telling myself never mind and it's ok is one thing for me to shoo all those things away, so forgive me if i act a bit gila-gila, it's just me. =P

To Be or Not To Be

I wonder how Hamlet felt when he said this, to be or not to be, stuck between two situations, having dilemma on which one to choose or to be. I think he’ll get crazy sooner or later, at least that’s what I’m facing right now, having to choose the correct emotions that I should have.

It’s logical for someone to have their past still stirring in their minds, and I thought that I’m a very understanding girl who can accept whatever past that my friends or my loved ones had. But this time I don’t know what I should feel. Should I be jealous? Or should I just pretend that I did not see it? It’s so hard for me to decide, so hard for me to think straight and breath right.

My rational tells me that I should not feel a thing, for this is his past which he frankly shared it with me. But my heart, tells me something different. It wouldn’t be aching; I certainly have not loved him to that extent. But why is it feeling strange, like a hand squeezing my heart, not painfully, but gently irritates me. My brain tells me that I’m in between of the two of them who were once deeply in love, and I’m the third party. I shouldn’t be there, I’m the extra cast there, I should be out cast. But I dearly not wanting to leave, what should I do?

Right now I’m seeing myself as the younger him, writing feelings down in a blog, hoping someone could see it and comfort me. But I believe he’s far more luckier than me, he got his friends, I only have my so-called hi-bye friends where I don’t even dare to reveal my true self to them. Everyday, repeating, telling myself everything’s going to be fine is a mundane routine, yet I still need to put on my best smile to accept what’s coming and going.

This is me, having a dilemma. How I wish this time I could just say never mind and laugh at my own stupidity. But I can’t now, I’m sorry.

A White Lie

It crushed my heart when I had this conversation, so distant, so cold, as if we never know each other. Two persons who once so close, they now speak like strangers. Casualties asked are common, indifferent, and monotonous, like completing a single routine, rushing to the end of the topic. I can’t help but blinked out a drop of tears. Again, I tell myself, its ok, I can handle this. I am perfectly fine.

I lied to him. I told him that I’ll be going overseas, leaving this place. I don’t know if I’m right to do this, but I just can’t bear to see his face anymore, nor going back to the place that once belongs to him and me. Those memories are sweet and naive; and I really don’t want to bring back tears there. I shall cherish those moments, only in my memory. I shall never return.

To that place, where he once allowed me to call as my home, I bid adieu. I’ll always miss the laughter I had there, and the warmth that I once shared. I now gave those back to all of you, hoping that you will forgive me. Sorry if I had brought any difficulties and discomfort in your life, and sorry if I had caused any misunderstandings among you all. You now have my assurance, that I’ll never be back under any circumstances, and you have my promise, that I’ll be always missing you all.

To you, I’m leaving. I always thought that we can be friends, but I’m not the person that I once thought anymore. I cannot deny this fact that I’m weak, for now I had to runaway from you and anything related to you. I would like, very much, to hold your hands again and say sorry, say thank you, but I just can’t do that. The conversation that we had just now, would be our end. I owe you too much, and I don’t know how to repay. This is the only way that I can think of to repay you. You’ll have my blessings for your whole life. I’ll be watching from afar, wishing your everyday to be happy and contented. And most importantly, I wish you love and happiness.

Goodbye, the last word that I say. Our last conversation ended with my lie, that would be my sorry to you.

11th January 2009 - 2.39am

A Twist

Life is always twisting and turning, and you'll never know when fate and chance give you a good twist or a bad twist.

My twist now, is somewhat little bit of both. Some how I had suddenly felt chickened out. From my past experiences, when I get a good thing, I'll immediately lose one that I'm possesing at the moment. And that's what happening to me right now, gaining something and losing something at the same day, I can never be in a extremely happy mood for more than one day.

So should I keep going on, or should I stay back and mend this mistake? It had never crossed my mind that he would be leaving me, but he just did, hastily, without even a good reason and without me noticing any symptoms. Again, I felt defeated. This time it's worse, when I can barely stand up after my tears.

This is the sins that I've made and the karma that I should received. I am scared, very very scared. I have no idea who can help me pass through these stormy night. Yes, I am afraid of the dark and the thunder. Who else can lead me? Someone or anyone, please tell me.

And I would tell myself to hold on and stand strong. This is not the only obstacles that I've been getting all these while. It is a sign that I should grow tougher than what others expect me to be, and I will survive, although feeling helpless and fear.

For my sweet twist, no matter what, I'll appreaciate and treasure it. Although there's no comfirmation from you yet, I believe we had make it through. I wish to hold your hands the next time I see you, and give you a peck on your cheek, telling you that: "I Love You."

You, Jeffery

It's been whole day, and finally things settled down. Outside, it was raining cats and dogs. Finally I'm happy, after days coming back to this town. I was in the rain just now, enjoying the water droplets from the sky. Some say it was the water from the Gods that purify your soul, but scientificly it's just recycle water from the earth. And that just showed how ironic our world is, the coincides and conflicts between the science and human beliefs.

All of a sudden, I miss Jeffery so much. He's always been a nice big brother to me, when I was 16 until now. He's always there, when I just left home to somewhere far to study, when I was in my most rebellious moment. He was there to console me, to advice me and love me. But now, he's gone. I've always wanted to find myself another man who can substitude his place, but I ended up getting hurt and cheated over and over again. It's been years now, and I'm going 21 this year. 5 years, and I had lost contact for 5 months. I wonder how is he doing there. Is he eating well? Sleeping well? Is he enjoying life there? I still remembered his last call, he said that he hated that place so much, there's no entertainment or anything, and he can't even communicate well there. He said he wanted to come back, to see me, to give me a nice long hug. But he never came back. He never got on that plane. Or did he? I don't know. And all I got is an email from his fiance, saying that they're getting married, and I'm not supposed to see him or hear from him anymore.

It's a bad memory. I thank the rain for making my heads clear, let me realise where I stand and how I do. It reminded me to always take careful actions, to defend when I know I'm right, and to protect people and things that I love. I'm not scared with harsh and loud voices, I'll fight back with my strong and stern stand, telling them that they should be listening to me.

I am not a headstrong, foolish child. Jeffery always wanted me to be strong and independent. And now here I am, standing here and whisper to the wind and rain, May God bless your newly-weds and your marriage. I hope you'll find your kind of happiness, just like the one you once shared with me. Be save always. I'll miss you.

Defeated

Never had it felt this way before. Not helpless, not sad, not angry, but defeated, and a little pinch of dissapointment.

A poetic start for my 2009 blog, I'm down and my brand new year blog started with the colour blue. I've been trying so hard over the pass year to make me change colour but looks like every year, dear God will always give me a challenge to handle. Luckily I had not yet feel sick of it, if not I'll be commiting suicide right now. =X

Blue is definitely the colour for me this season. Skies filled with grayish clouds, I'm always hoping for it to rain and wash my polluted soul and crowded mind. It has been tough for me accepting some facts these few days, but I had swallowed it down and tasted the bitterness in it. "It's alright," I tell myself. To show my perfectly-ok-with-everything attitude, i flashed out my best smile. But seems Darlie and Colgate doesn't agree with it, I didn't get the chance to shoot for the commercial. Not white and happy enough, I think. Nobody will wet their pillows after a photo shoot. *_*

And then I woke up this morning, feeling great reluctance to leave my bed. Stupid post-crying symptoms make me getting unneccesary attention. But i put up a satisfactory presentation although I didn't attend the rehearsal. Assignments building up and classes coming like waves, I'm starting to lose my breath. What's the point of making myself busy? Oh yes, making me forget my meals and get slimmer. At least that is one happy thought ---> I get slimmer. =P

And overall, I gave myself a 6 upon 10 for this new year. I've got new aspirations which I failed, and some yet to succeed, and I hope that I'll maintain what I have for the past semesters. That's what I have, and I'm going to defend my crown!! LOLX..

J-4, Hall 7

You must know,
Surely you must know that it was all for you.
You are too generous to trifle with me.
I believe you have spoken to me,
And it had taught me to hope,
As I had scarcely allowed myself before…
If your feelings are still what they were last few months,
Tell me so at once.
My affections and wishes have not changed.
But one word from you,
Will silence me forever…
If,
However,
Your feelings have changed,
I would have to tell you…
You have bewitched me,
Body and soul.
And I love…
I love…
I love you.
I never wished to be parted from you,
From this day onwards…