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Sunday, December 1, 2013

Silly Girl

You stupid, silly girl!

Why do you even have to cry? You made your own decisions, nobody forced you, then why on earth are you crying?

You can't just cry because you regret on what you said? You can't just cry because somebody who is hurt by you don't want to talk to you and forgive you!

Silly girl! Stupid girl!

Saturday, November 30, 2013


It was a quiet breakup. So different from the first one we had.

It was just merely a few words.

It was the first time I didn't shed any tears. Or rather, I felt kinda relieve after all these breakup drama.

Quiet enough, I supposed. What's the point of having a big row about it?

And for that moment I gained back the control - Control over my own life, my so called freedom.

Yet when you lost something that you had for years, you started to fidget. You started to feel restless.

Ironic isn't it? The moment I broke free from him and gained back my control, he had again control over me. I had got used to his ways and I almost forgot how it felt like without him nagging and pestering me every single day.

So I went back to my old ways. I did whatever that I wanted to do, and meet with whoever I want to meet, and went out whatever time that I want.

It was the air of freedom that I longed for, I must enjoy it to the fullest.

And so this person came along, and I didn't really consider much. I just go for it.

And together with my long-lost freedom, my victim syndrome came knocking on my door again. I refrained myself so much from being naive, and when I began to have a little faith, the ugly truth unveiled again.

I laughed at myself. It was a mocking laugh.

Why do I have to be such sadist, to torture myself this way. Why do I have to be that naive, when I'm no longer 18 years old?

Apparently my wisdom doesn't grow with my age.

The moment I thought I gained control of my life, I lost control of my life.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Online Game Addiction

And just when I thought I'm wayyyy past my MapleStory Adventure craze, I'm hooked on something else. I'm not especially proud when I say this, but it is a China server RPG.

I know, why China.

It just happened when I stumbled across this game page and I itchy hand go click inside. Then from that moment on the only thing I knew is I have to log in everyday in that game, or else I'll feel something not right. And it was to the extent that I'm going gaga all over the town to find cash reload for this game, and when I finally got it, I spent all of it in one hour and I reload again the next day.

I know, FML.

Nevertheless, I'm finally happy for a bit because of this alias identity in this virtual realm. At least, I'm happy.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Passion Lost

It's been ages since I last updated this blog. Proves that I've found another channel to pour all my negativity in life. 

But it doesn't solve anything anyway. Life still goes on the same way every day and I'm Judy drifting through most of it. Day in day out, it's just a repetition every single day. 

Today my student told me, " You're just here for the salary, right?"

At that moment I was speechless. All I could do was just laughed it off. But I gave it a deep thought after I went back home. Would I still be here if it wasn't for the money? 

Life and reality, all of us would have to face it irregardless of the easy way or the hard way. I took it upon myself that I must provide for my family, and so I stay. But am I happy? Honestly, I don't even know how should I feel now. 

All I know is this life is draining my passion out of me. I used to get excited for things, but now, I just shrugged my shoulders for everything. Nothing surprises me, nothing retains my interest, nothing. 

Is all these worth it? Can my calling be answered someday? 

I pray. 

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


还记得16岁的那一年,曾经有那么一个人,用尽他的全力去宠爱我,保护我,不让我受到一丝一毫的伤害。曾经有那么一个人,宁愿挨饿受苦也要让我得到我想要的,给我最好的。曾经有那么一个人,明知道我不好,也默默的守在我的身边,然后对我说 “等你在外面玩够了,累了,就回来;我会等你”。可是就因为我16岁,不懂得珍惜这个人,然后狠狠地把他抛弃了,就算他手上捧着99朵玫瑰花,我也不回头。












Monday, February 18, 2013


It was rather bad, when you were below someone's expectation; and due to that unsatisfactory they turned into someone that we did not know.

One bad break up would show you the true colours that one should have known from the beginning of a relationship, or even friendship.

Patience could have bring peace, but when a person was under a massive amount of pressure, no human would still take it in in a calm manner. Anyone would have burst.

But the way you lash out your stress and anger is dependable on your upbringing and your personality. Some choose to shout, some choose to cry, some choose to bad mouth the other party till they get the comfort they want.

So when you are the victim of the bad-mouthing, you can't really blame that person for being inconsiderate or even childish, you can only blame yourself that you chose to know the wrong person.

Expectation is a serious game. It could give you hope, but at the same time, it could bring out the worst.

Monday, February 4, 2013

The Last Straw

Times and times again I tell myself to be patient in this relationship, because many had told me to go for the one who loves me more than I love him. I was told I will be happier in this kind of pattern, at least be pampered, be loved. Yet this is getting more painful than what I used to have. 

Because of your "concern", you've decided to call my parents.

So you think that is going to magically straighten me out and made me cry at your feet and apologize?

You, have reached the bottom line, my last straw. 

The moment you decided to call my parents for "good", that was it. There's no more turning back for you and me. That's it! We are DONE!

If being a MORON is what you've chose, GREAT! I'm so freaking relieved of you getting the hell out of my life! Please be as distant as you could so that I could no longer be reminded of you. Every moronic act you did REPELS me.

So what if I've hurt your feelings? So what if I don't give you your respect? Do what if I don't give a damn of your manly dignity?



I had never even once asked you to stay. I had never lied about who or what I am. But you thought that you could handle me and chose to continue.

So now I've hurt your feelings, and you blame it all on me?

PLEASE GO GET A LIFE, relationships aren't a sweet bed of roses you fool! If you feel threaten by me or me being unmanageable, please, LEAVE. 

I'm so used to be a bad guy, and I am one again now. SO WHAT?

Sunday, January 13, 2013


Seriously, I don't know whether it's my problem or his problem, I'm really starting to lose my patience in things. I'm so freaking pissed off every single moment that I feel like screaming out loud! I'm supposed to be free by now, I have control over myself, but I have a feeling that I'm starting to lose it ALL OVER AGAIN!