I just realized, it's my 88th post now and I'm still struggling on the same thing. So it looks like I have not been progressing at all, I'm still as stuck as ever.
So this is a bad news I guess, being as trapped as before. I can't seem to get myself out of those problems that bother me. None of them have resolved, and all of them had equally get on my nerves. It all left me feel so helpless and stupid, and I no longer feel I'm a complete person anymore.
And I naively thought that there's a chance in changing all these. I thought I found something that I've hoped for, but it only lasted for seconds, and it all just dimmed away. I wasn't even able to react. I have to let go.
So I think I'm just "it". With no where to run or to progress, I'm just going to stay put like "this". I hate this feeling, I used to be a happy-go-lucky one, where the hell has that part of me disappear? I even thought of using cigarettes to make my problems go away, but luckily (or sadly) I don't have enough guts to do so, or else I'll end up as a smoke addict.
Therefore I now give myself a big laugh. *L A U G H*
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