I just realized, it's my 88th post now and I'm still struggling on the same thing. So it looks like I have not been progressing at all, I'm still as stuck as ever.
So this is a bad news I guess, being as trapped as before. I can't seem to get myself out of those problems that bother me. None of them have resolved, and all of them had equally get on my nerves. It all left me feel so helpless and stupid, and I no longer feel I'm a complete person anymore.
And I naively thought that there's a chance in changing all these. I thought I found something that I've hoped for, but it only lasted for seconds, and it all just dimmed away. I wasn't even able to react. I have to let go.
So I think I'm just "it". With no where to run or to progress, I'm just going to stay put like "this". I hate this feeling, I used to be a happy-go-lucky one, where the hell has that part of me disappear? I even thought of using cigarettes to make my problems go away, but luckily (or sadly) I don't have enough guts to do so, or else I'll end up as a smoke addict.
Therefore I now give myself a big laugh. *L A U G H*
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I went for a short vacation nearby the seaside. Try waiting for the sunrise but the clouds actually blocked the entire thing. So I didn't get what I want, I didn't get to see my favourite sunrise. Nevertheless I did enjoyed myself by having a good time nearby the seaside picking up sea shells and pebbles, flipping my hands and legs with the sea breeze and the salted sea water.
But this part of my vacation made me realized that I missed him a lot. Such a long time without him, my world seems incomplete. Days without his voice is slow, days without his face is just lame.
I miss him, yes I miss him.
He was so sad before, and I just want him to be happy. Maybe when I go away, he could get the peace that he wanted so much. He deserves this much of happiness.
Monday, April 5, 2010
I never really thought of the story behind it, so when I know about it, I don't really know how to react. Please do forgive me if I have done anything inappropriate. You know I mean no harm, you must know it was all for you to feel happier.
I want to save you from all this pain, but I really have no idea how to. The pain that you are going through right now is so great, that I myself feel lost too. You must be strong my friend. You must go through this and get your life back. You deserve every bit of happiness that you can think of. So be strong alright? I promise I'll be there for you as long as I could.
I'll do assignments with you if you're rushing them,
I'll sing with you when you feel like shouting Linkin' Park,
I'll watch horror movies with you even if I'm scared,
I'll get drunk with you if you feel like drinking,
I'll cry with you if you feel like crying.
Just remember, I'll be always here for you, even if you're far far away. I'm always here. I won't turn my back on you, never.