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Saturday, December 15, 2012

The Victim Syndrome

I always thought I have this victim syndrome. I would always fall for some guys who are not ready or are unable to commit in a relationship. I told myself over and over again not to fall for the same trap again, and yet again and again I find my way back into this painful abyss.

Finally when I met the recent him, I thought all of this would be over. He is the kind of guy who shows commitment, shows attention, shows love, romantic and everything I would ever ask for from my previous failed relationships, it was good at first, almost too good to be true.

Yes, it was too good to be true. I found it life-choking after 3 months into this relationship.

I'm losing time on my own, I'm losing my own private time, I'm losing everything that I'm proud of myself last time; even though I was a failure in several relationships. But with my own time to heal and my own way of surviving in the dome of solitude I manage to be strong, independent and happy.

I starting to lose myself in this relationship.

What is happening to me? Am I turning into someone I used to curse and hate? I am afraid of commitment?

When I don't get the things I want, I whine. When I finally get the things I want, I dodge.

It seems like I'm forever stuck being the victim, or a predator?