tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31015188807931292892024-02-20T22:28:37.019+08:00ReinaGOD - Rest in a Garden Of Dellusion.Always dreaming, always hallucinating.. Yet always hit hard by reality.. Darn.. =XJasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.comBlogger198125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-30230574112820219032016-08-11T23:37:00.004+08:002016-08-11T23:37:58.477+08:00Puffy EyesAs I grew older, I realized that my emotions remain stagnant.<br />
The outburst was frightening.<br />
Pebbles after pebbles, when I can no longer hold them back, I stuffed my face into my pillow, silently, yet hysterically shouting for release.<br />
<br />
So is this how a person control his vexation?<br />
<br />
There's a hole in my heart which can no longer be filled. The ability to heal was long gone.<br />
So ignorance.<br />
I guess ignorance is the best way. When I bury those holes deep, where I cannot see them, I can assume that I never get these holes in the first place.<br />
<br />
But sometimes, when the light is dim, and the night is quiet; They resurface.<br />
<br />
They too want to breathe, especially tonight. It's been a while.<br />
<br />
Forgive me for my weakness and my tears. I too, need to breathe.Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-9424177530921538262015-05-21T08:18:00.001+08:002015-05-21T08:18:38.518+08:00Stay strong, will you?When people doubt, when people shout,<div>All you need to do, is to stay strong for yourself.</div><div>Fred not, wary not,</div><div>Every tear you drop,</div><div>Is every ounce of strength that would push you to your core. </div><div><br></div><div>Be strong, will you? </div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-8742174795008807812014-08-05T21:46:00.001+08:002014-08-05T21:46:06.323+08:00若已无爱最近越发明显了。你不再开口叫我,也不再回应想我爱我。一个简单的表情符号,是你对我最后的同情施舍吗?<div><br></div><div>我知道我傻。我知道我该放手。可是我会痛,我没办法开口。</div><div><br></div><div>如果你已经不爱我了,那你能不能放我走?</div><div><br></div><div>我已经没办法再哭了,我好累。</div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-34183076971141628082014-08-04T08:06:00.001+08:002014-08-04T08:06:35.581+08:00ColderHis tone is getting colder, his love to me is getting colder. <div><br></div><div>We are getting colder. </div><div><br></div><div>Every moment to wait for his reply felt like a decade. Yet when I finally received them, my heart grew even more pain. </div><div><br></div><div>How long must this last? Can't you see that I'm trying so hard here? Why can't you just turn around and look at me properly for once? </div><div><br></div><div>Why can't you just let me go? </div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-14668084254419271952014-08-03T15:03:00.001+08:002014-08-03T15:03:42.254+08:00Dog Bone?So I'm waiting for you to throw a bone at me, so I can continue to wag my tail at you. <div><br></div><div>But when will you throw it? I'm waiting, anxiously. </div><div><br></div><div>Or you couldn't care less anymore? </div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-88225853364101647472014-08-03T12:47:00.001+08:002014-08-03T12:47:26.676+08:00OutletI guess my only emotional outlet would be here, a virtual space for me to let out my every scream and shout. <div><br></div><div>I was thinking today. Should I let go? </div><div><br></div><div>One part of me says that I should, another part of me says no. </div><div><br></div><div>I admit, I still love him dearly. He can still makes me smile easily, but at the same time, he can make me cry as easy. </div><div><br></div><div>I want so much to be extra understanding. It is not that I don't see the recent massive changes in his life. But when I tried to put myself into his shoes, I don't understand, why can't he spend some time and attention on me like what he used to be? </div><div><br></div><div>And he changes so much. I could not help but compare. </div><div><br></div><div>Is it because of those changes that I see? </div><div>Or perhaps, it's because of his dwindling feelings of me. </div><div><br></div><div>Is it so, that he no longer loves me? </div><div><br></div><div>Give me a hint, let me know. Please. </div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-13948771683002503282014-08-01T23:41:00.001+08:002014-08-01T23:41:44.165+08:00Is it time?The same thought has been bothering me for months. <div><br></div><div>Everything has changed. </div><div><br></div><div>Maybe he did not realize it, but I do. I'm sensitive in that way, or maybe I'm too sensitive about that. But I can't help but make comparisons between 7 months ago and now. </div><div><br></div><div>He used to text me in the morning. </div><div>He used to call me when he finishes work. </div><div>He used to spend some time texting me. </div><div><br></div><div>But now it's all gone. </div><div><br></div><div>I keep explaining to myself that he's just very busy, with his new job title and his other commitments. But everytime when I tell myself this, I felt so low and down. I felt like, I am nothing to him. </div><div><br></div><div>I told him how I felt. But the aftermath made the situation worse. He grew more distant than before. </div><div><br></div><div>He used to hug me to sleep. But now, he turned his back on me. </div><div><br></div><div>All these little signs and symptoms are driving me crazy. He is driving me crazy. </div><div><br></div><div>Is it time to say goodbye? Even if I said it, he wouldn't mind, right? </div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-1513425878183716052014-06-09T02:10:00.001+08:002014-06-09T02:10:11.557+08:00Lost, yet againI thought I was happy. <div><br></div><div>But when you have to compete with lots of other factors in reality, like career, family, friends, then you realize, you're not really important at all. </div><div><br></div><div>But you can't place any blame, because that's acceptable generally. But am I allow to be selfish? Am I allow to throw tantrums and whine like a kid? </div><div><br></div><div>I can't. I'm too egoistic to do that. </div><div><br></div><div>He told me to just be myself. He was so calm. He sounded like if I were to mention about break up, he wouldn't mind at all. Or perhaps, that's what he wants? </div><div><br></div><div>For 25 years, even I myself can't figure out what kind of person I am. I'm that confused. </div><div><br></div><div>So be myself, means I camouflage into the person that the people around me want me to be. I people-please my life all these years, sometimes allowing myself to be a mischief, but always, I go back to the crowd. </div><div><br></div><div>I am so fucked up right now that I don't even know what I want anymore. The moment I face any kind of hardship, I would assume that it's going to be over. </div><div><br></div><div>When have I learnt to view things in such negative way? Why am I always prepared for the worst? </div><div><br></div><div>Have I no value at all? Did I not possess any single quality that would make people around me need me, and appreciate me? </div><div><br></div><div>What should I do? What else can I do? Can somebody teach me? </div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-7684111197844638492014-03-12T17:03:00.001+08:002014-03-12T17:03:18.754+08:00I'm scaredTo be honest, I'm really scared. <div><br></div><div>I'm scared that I might lose him one day. Because for the first time in my life, I feel so out of my league. </div><div><br></div><div>He might not be perfect, but he's perfect for me. I'm so scared that I ache at the thought of losing him. </div><div><br></div><div>There's too many things that I can't give him. There's too much memories that I can't compete or compare. What am I to him? </div><div><br></div><div>I just hope that this relationship would stay as long as it can. I don't know when will I lose it. </div><div><br></div><div>Will I be able to let go of him when it's time? </div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-18474899455107731722013-12-01T23:50:00.002+08:002013-12-01T23:50:20.170+08:00Silly GirlYou stupid, silly girl!<br />
<br />
Why do you even have to cry? You made your own decisions, nobody forced you, then why on earth are you crying?<br />
<br />
You can't just cry because you regret on what you said? You can't just cry because somebody who is hurt by you don't want to talk to you and forgive you!<br />
<br />
Silly girl! Stupid girl!<br />
<br />
<br />Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-28795016738932938492013-11-30T02:01:00.000+08:002013-11-30T02:01:01.836+08:00ControlIt was a quiet breakup. So different from the first one we had.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It was just merely a few words.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It was the first time I didn't shed any tears. Or rather, I felt kinda relieve after all these breakup drama.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Quiet enough, I supposed. What's the point of having a big row about it?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And for that moment I gained back the control - Control over my own life, my so called freedom.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Yet when you lost something that you had for years, you started to fidget. You started to feel restless.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Ironic isn't it? The moment I broke free from him and gained back my control, he had again control over me. I had got used to his ways and I almost forgot how it felt like without him nagging and pestering me every single day.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So I went back to my old ways. I did whatever that I wanted to do, and meet with whoever I want to meet, and went out whatever time that I want.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It was the air of freedom that I longed for, I must enjoy it to the fullest.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And so this person came along, and I didn't really consider much. I just go for it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And together with my long-lost freedom, my victim syndrome came knocking on my door again. I refrained myself so much from being naive, and when I began to have a little faith, the ugly truth unveiled again.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I laughed at myself. It was a mocking laugh.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Why do I have to be such sadist, to torture myself this way. Why do I have to be that naive, when I'm no longer 18 years old?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Apparently my wisdom doesn't grow with my age.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The moment I thought I gained control of my life, I lost control of my life.</div>
Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-31892646375852748822013-07-27T11:56:00.001+08:002013-07-27T11:56:52.511+08:00Online Game AddictionAnd just when I thought I'm wayyyy past my MapleStory Adventure craze, I'm hooked on something else. I'm not especially proud when I say this, but it is a China server RPG.<br />
<br />
I know, why China.<br />
<br />
It just happened when I stumbled across this game page and I itchy hand go click inside. Then from that moment on the only thing I knew is I have to log in everyday in that game, or else I'll feel something not right. And it was to the extent that I'm going gaga all over the town to find cash reload for this game, and when I finally got it, I spent all of it in one hour and I reload again the next day.<br />
<br />
I know, FML.<br />
<br />
Nevertheless, I'm finally happy for a bit because of this alias identity in this virtual realm. At least, I'm happy.<br />
<br />
<br />Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-56751686621060090792013-07-10T22:29:00.001+08:002013-07-10T22:29:50.373+08:00Passion LostIt's been ages since I last updated this blog. Proves that I've found another channel to pour all my negativity in life. <div><br></div><div>But it doesn't solve anything anyway. Life still goes on the same way every day and I'm Judy drifting through most of it. Day in day out, it's just a repetition every single day. </div><div><br></div><div>Today my student told me, " You're just here for the salary, right?"</div><div><br></div><div>At that moment I was speechless. All I could do was just laughed it off. But I gave it a deep thought after I went back home. Would I still be here if it wasn't for the money? </div><div><br></div><div>Life and reality, all of us would have to face it irregardless of the easy way or the hard way. I took it upon myself that I must provide for my family, and so I stay. But am I happy? Honestly, I don't even know how should I feel now. </div><div><br></div><div>All I know is this life is draining my passion out of me. I used to get excited for things, but now, I just shrugged my shoulders for everything. Nothing surprises me, nothing retains my interest, nothing. </div><div><br></div><div>Is all these worth it? Can my calling be answered someday? </div><div><br></div><div>I pray. </div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-41756966123896863842013-02-19T17:48:00.000+08:002013-02-19T17:49:40.165+08:00原点还记得16岁的那一年,曾经有那么一个人,用尽他的全力去宠爱我,保护我,不让我受到一丝一毫的伤害。曾经有那么一个人,宁愿挨饿受苦也要让我得到我想要的,给我最好的。曾经有那么一个人,明知道我不好,也默默的守在我的身边,然后对我说 “等你在外面玩够了,累了,就回来;我会等你”。可是就因为我16岁,不懂得珍惜这个人,然后狠狠地把他抛弃了,就算他手上捧着99朵玫瑰花,我也不回头。<br />
<br />
那样的一个人被我伤害了,也不怪我,也不恨我。辗转到我二十出头了,才发现,至始至终,最疼我最爱我的,还是当初的那个他。<br />
<br />
但是我也知道,人生不能重来。所以后来的我常感叹,哪一天如果我再遇见那样的一个他,我一定不会放手。就算受伤,我也要把他留下来。<br />
<br />
可是今天,我放手了。一个爱我疼我宠我的人,我放手了。<br />
<br />
我哭,但是我知道这一次依然不能重来。两次都是我放的手,两次都是让别人受到了伤害。<br />
<br />
我的人生仿佛又回到了16岁的那一年。我总是为了当初他说的那一句话而泪流满面,现在的我却没理由的哭了。<br />
<br />
是我变了吗?我要的,难道就跟8年前不一样吗?<br />
<br />
我哭,是因为我不知道我要些什么。就连现在的他问我,“你爱我吗?”,我也无法回答他。<br />
<br />
我挣扎,我发了狂的想找回理由。可是到了这一刻,我还是找不到。<br />
<br />
我只能说,8年前的我不认识寂寞,8年后的我,已经和寂寞分不了手。<br />
<br />
所以我只能逃,逃回原点,只有我一个人的原点。<br />
<br />
对不起,是我的任性让你受伤。是我的无知让你委屈。你哭过的眼泪,我会慢慢还给你。你哭不出来的眼泪,让我一次帮你流干。Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-28755074424491204912013-02-18T21:57:00.000+08:002013-02-18T21:57:04.426+08:00ExpectationIt was rather bad, when you were below someone's expectation; and due to that unsatisfactory they turned into someone that we did not know.<br />
<br />
One bad break up would show you the true colours that one should have known from the beginning of a relationship, or even friendship.<br />
<br />
Patience could have bring peace, but when a person was under a massive amount of pressure, no human would still take it in in a calm manner. Anyone would have burst.<br />
<br />
But the way you lash out your stress and anger is dependable on your upbringing and your personality. Some choose to shout, some choose to cry, some choose to bad mouth the other party till they get the comfort they want.<br />
<br />
So when you are the victim of the bad-mouthing, you can't really blame that person for being inconsiderate or even childish, you can only blame yourself that you chose to know the wrong person.<br />
<br />
Expectation is a serious game. It could give you hope, but at the same time, it could bring out the worst.Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-45016307243598675322013-02-04T14:47:00.000+08:002014-03-12T17:06:40.637+08:00The Last StrawTimes and times again I tell myself to be patient in this relationship, because many had told me to go for the one who loves me more than I love him. I was told I will be happier in this kind of pattern, at least be pampered, be loved. Yet this is getting more painful than what I used to have. <div>
<br></div>
<div>
Because of your "concern", you've decided to call my parents.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
So you think that is going to magically straighten me out and made me cry at your feet and apologize?</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
You, have reached the bottom line, my last straw. </div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
The moment you decided to call my parents for "good", that was it. There's no more turning back for you and me. That's it! We are DONE!</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
If being a MORON is what you've chose, GREAT! I'm so freaking relieved of you getting the hell out of my life! Please be as distant as you could so that I could no longer be reminded of you. Every moronic act you did REPELS me.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
So what if I've hurt your feelings? So what if I don't give you your respect? Do what if I don't give a damn of your manly dignity?</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
YOU CHOSE TO STAY PUT WHEN I ASKED YOU TO LEAVE.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
YOU CHOOSE IT YOURSELF!</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
I had never even once asked you to stay. I had never lied about who or what I am. But you thought that you could handle me and chose to continue.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
So now I've hurt your feelings, and you blame it all on me?</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
PLEASE GO GET A LIFE, relationships aren't a sweet bed of roses you fool! If you feel threaten by me or me being unmanageable, please, LEAVE. </div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
I'm so used to be a bad guy, and I am one again now. SO WHAT?</div>
Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-9982828283858565462013-01-13T21:05:00.001+08:002013-01-13T21:05:22.509+08:00FMLSeriously, I don't know whether it's my problem or his problem, I'm really starting to lose my patience in things. I'm so freaking pissed off every single moment that I feel like screaming out loud! I'm supposed to be free by now, I have control over myself, but I have a feeling that I'm starting to lose it ALL OVER AGAIN!<br />
<br />
I WANT MY LIFE BACK, LIKE SERIOUSLY!Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-37320585476512046752012-12-15T23:43:00.002+08:002012-12-15T23:43:40.130+08:00The Victim SyndromeI always thought I have this victim syndrome. I would always fall for some guys who are not ready or are unable to commit in a relationship. I told myself over and over again not to fall for the same trap again, and yet again and again I find my way back into this painful abyss.<br />
<br />
Finally when I met the recent him, I thought all of this would be over. He is the kind of guy who shows commitment, shows attention, shows love, romantic and everything I would ever ask for from my previous failed relationships, it was good at first, almost too good to be true.<br />
<br />
Yes, it was too good to be true. I found it life-choking after 3 months into this relationship.<br />
<br />
I'm losing time on my own, I'm losing my own private time, I'm losing everything that I'm proud of myself last time; even though I was a failure in several relationships. But with my own time to heal and my own way of surviving in the dome of solitude I manage to be strong, independent and happy.<br />
<br />
I starting to lose myself in this relationship.<br />
<br />
What is happening to me? Am I turning into someone I used to curse and hate? I am afraid of commitment?<br />
<br />
When I don't get the things I want, I whine. When I finally get the things I want, I dodge.<br />
<br />
It seems like I'm forever stuck being the victim, or a predator?Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-26373589996866286322012-11-18T00:48:00.001+08:002012-11-18T00:48:48.162+08:00Mid NovemberBeen too lazy to update, or to even put effort in anything. I practically laze through the whole of 3 months. Every day and every day, repeating over and over again.<br />
<br />
And it was the end of a year again, without me realizing.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, I realized time wasn't that kind to me anymore. It had moved so fast without me even realizing it.<br />
<br />
I know it is all my fault, because I have made all these happen. I am the one who let my life to go on this way, aimlessly.<br />
<br />
Yet when I am writing this now, I have no intention to change any bit of it. I have decided to let my life drifts.<br />
<br />
Goodbye, passion. Goodbye.Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-11790027435641100152012-08-04T21:48:00.000+08:002012-08-04T21:48:01.258+08:00AugustThis month reminds me of this movie named "August Rush".<br />
<br />
A movie filled with music, love and tears; and most importantly, the strength to hold on to one's belief even if the situation does not encourage you.<br />
<br />
By the time I finish this movie I question myself, do I have the same strength to hold on as well?<br />
<br />
And immediately I got the answer. No.<br />
<br />
I am not a strong believer, even when everyone tells me I can, I doubt my own ability.<br />
Even when the situation allows, I hesitate.<br />
Even when I'm told to leave, I linger.<br />
<br />
And I figure, the one reason for me to hold on all these while is starting to fade away, so does my faith, and my strength.<br />
<br />
When you walk away, did you know that you were the reason for me to hold on?Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-90740999467574314752012-07-02T07:55:00.001+08:002012-07-02T07:55:04.418+08:00Miserable StartJust when I thought everything are finally going towards the better, but the wheel has to turn so soon. I don't even have time to rejoice, to actually feel lucky; and everything has to be taken away.<br />
<br />
My career has gone down the slope. My family is in a mess. My relationship has gone haywired. I myself is a complete mess.<br />
<br />
The only thing that I can tell myself now is "I'm okay". That is the only phrase that has accompany me without fail through these year. <br />
<br />
I'm okay. Everything will be okay. Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-71402308784904784302012-07-02T02:58:00.001+08:002012-07-02T02:58:50.535+08:00Good Night, Good ByeLet me do this one last thing for you alright? Let me help you make up your mind. <br />
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And when I do, please try your best and fight for what you really want this time; hold on tight and don't let go.<br />
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Good night sweetness gracious. Good bye.Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-38950638068124718212012-07-02T01:22:00.001+08:002012-07-02T01:22:00.945+08:00NightmareI remember I was looking frantically for someone or something. And so I screamed and screamed, but there's no voice coming out from my dry throat.<br />
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I ran and ran, but there's no one in sight. And when I started panicking and crying, I fell down from a tall building. <br />
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That's when I wake up crying, sometimes shouting.<br />
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And when I open my eyes I cry even harder, gasping for air.<br />
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It's all happening again, isn't it? The same dream. Must it always have to be like this? Must I get used to this? Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-76470597912885527482012-06-17T04:06:00.001+08:002012-06-17T04:06:12.182+08:00616Woke up this morning feeling tired as ever. The sleeping condition has not improved a bit, where I can only get the very minimum amount of rest. I looked down at my feet and laughed a little; even in the comfort of my own house, the nightmare would not go away. <br />
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But I decided to be hopeful for the day, as I was back him for something joyful and festive. Arranging one by one, those wedding invitations cards are divided into different piles according to different address. I saw the small laugh on my parents' face while they were figuring out the number of people coming for the wedding buffet. Their faces were aglow and genuinely happy. So I wanted to feel the same way as well, I want to be happy.<br />
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In the afternoon I was out meeting some new friends who were really nice and friendly. I was able to laugh and smile a lot. At least that was a good try. But seeing his face I remind myself not to try on that treacherous path again; he's a good man, I do not deserve a good man.<br />
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But he was so kind, his face was sparkling with sincerity. The genuine kind of concern and care; they were all so compelling. The more I restrain myself the kinder he is to me. <br />
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So I decided to repeat the same act again. I have to push him away as far as I can. I acted all needy and tiresome. I acted petty and dumb. I acted everything that I hate in woman the most. <br />
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But he is still there, standing still as ever. He does not even bother to pull away, instead he asked me why do I do all that. It was as if he knew what I was doing. <br />
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And so I gave in, and told him the every vulnerable part of me. And he gave me the warmest hug ever, whispering in my ears that everything will be okay. <br />
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It has been so long since I felt some genuine feelings given to me. <br />
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Though there's mutual likeness in between, nothing really changed after this night. We remained friends whom I really thankful to. If it was not because of him, I would still be stuck in my old nightmare, thinking myself as pathetic and forgotten.<br />
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I should try to sleep tonight. I hope for a good night sleep, which I'm feeling positive about. <br />
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Good night, 616. I wish today would repeat all over again.Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101518880793129289.post-83186493276859942602012-06-10T14:06:00.002+08:002012-06-10T14:06:28.948+08:00A Tribute To Tun MYesterday I was rather heated up by Tun M's article regarding equality in law. It was brilliant. A well-fired yet subtle enough mockery to the current unjust happenings.<br />
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At the age of 85 he manages to keep his head so clear and still keep close attention to the things that happen around him. Some think that he misses his power back in the 80s, where he is said he is capable to rule Malaysia single-handed. But how many of these people actually blurted out those blunt opinions based on what they think? Or are they simply parroting what the others have been gossiping in the kopitiam?<br />
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A normal 85-year-old retiree would sit at home and enjoy playtime with his grandchildren. A normal 85-year-old would enjoy a quiet and peaceful life with his loved ones. A normal 85-year-old would enjoy sipping his cup of coffee while reading newspaper in the morning sunlight. Yes, that is the image of an 85-year-old that the society can accept and tolerate.<br />
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But this 85-year-old is loud and firm in his speech. His concerns have led him to write pieces and pieces of articles based on his own view points. He actively join social events that have invited him to talk about his opinions. Indeed, he owns a large group of supporters; But at the same time he gained fiery comments on his comeback to the political arena, as well as lots of opponents.<br />
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Every single day he is flooded with critics and comments. People are inspecting his life after retirement. His every movement is again under the spotlight.<br />
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Do you actually think he enjoys the limelight? Or he is so hungered of attention that he wants to get himself involved in the politics again? Perhaps he has nothing better to do besides writing pieces of articles that would get himself harsh critics every day?<br />
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Yes, he may be Tun M's, one of the greatest leaders that the world has given recognition, he too, at the same time, is a normal 85-year-old. We always forget that he too will grow old in time, because his image of national leader is so deeply rooted in our hearts, that we all immortalized him. If he wants the limelight and attention, he could have it any time, or he could have done it in a different way. He could have talk about something else, besides this sensitive issue of politics. Supporters of his would still adore him. But why did he chose the hard way?<br />
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He is definitely not sadistic, yet from what I believe, his clear mind would not allow him stay quiet in such chaotic time. He is a true patriotic soul that genuinely concerns about the welfare of the country, and he is loud and harsh enough to voice out what he thinks without fear. Though hit hard by tonnes of denouncing voices, he continues to do what he believes in and continues to be speak out his mind.<br />
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Again, do you think he is so bored of his peaceful and quiet life that he decided to spice up his life a little by getting this sort of extra attention? Or he might want to try how much more stress can his heart take after that two major heart surgery back in 2008?<br />
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Some may think that my post today is shallow, that I have failed to see his faults during his reign. There were corruption, power abuse, fraud and maybe more under-covered crimes. Yes, I do not deny that. But is the political arena a clean slate to begin with? Can I name one political figure in the world that has never got himself associated with any of the mentioned faults? No. Can I name one political figure in the world that is corrupted and felt no remorse? Yes. In fact I could make a list with news evidences everywhere.<br />
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At times like this, we forget that Tun M is a 85-year-old. At those time we have forgotten that Tun M was also a mere human being who needed to survive and secure his position. He did what he had to do to stay put. As a matter of fact do we have someone at par with him if he were to step down from his position at that time? Could he quit everything and let go?<br />
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I am not trying to make Tun M a saint here. Whether or not he has committed those faults, I do not know; but the one thing I do know is that he has made contributions to the country that have brought Malaysia to another step forward, towards modernization, towards world-class economy and education, towards globalization. All of these progress have grown within our people, that we have grown more mature and open to foreign cultures and ideas.<br />
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Numerous policies were introduced in his time that have benefited the mass. Diplomatic relations between Eastern countries like China, Japan and Korea were improved. Far-sighted ideologies and ideals were shared with the public, as he wanted our people to transform into first-class citizens. He wanted us to learn from the best and pick up the best attitude in order to elevate our country into a better place. He gave us a clear goal to follow so that all people, irregardless of race or religion, could work together towards a similar target.<br />
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Such leadership was highly appraised around the globe, where again and again he received the highest form of recognition from different countries. Yet our own people see the fault in him, as if his 22 years of hard work was nothing, that the country is better off without him. Really?<br />
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Have you ever sit down and think rationally, for once, that what could have happen to the country if he was not there during the 1997 crisis? Would we end up like Greece? Or perhaps Indonesia?<br />
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Some would tell me they thank him for whatever that he has done for the country, but his time is over and he should never get himself so involved again in the political arena.<br />
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If the country's political scene is a tranquil picture with nothing but bright sunshine and wide green field, he would have stay put in his now quiet and comfortable life. But he risks his own health and reputation to go out to the public again and make his constant appearances, for attention sake?<br />
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For once I plea the people in this country to not just be grateful to his contributions but also his comeback. His voice carries influential weight as people do acknowledge his intelligence and acute perceptions. His words make a difference, and that is why opponents are fervently disturbed by such vigorous return. People take heed of what he thinks as it is almost always accurate. He was once our inspirational leader, and he will always be in our hearts.<br />
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And as for me, he will always be my idol and a prominent figure I look up to for life.<br />
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<i><a href="https://www.facebook.com/TunDrMahathir" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Source: Tun Dr. Mahathir bin Mohamad official Facebook page</span></a></i></div>Jasmine Wonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11700692878221908506noreply@blogger.com0