Defeated

Never had it felt this way before. Not helpless, not sad, not angry, but defeated, and a little pinch of dissapointment.

A poetic start for my 2009 blog, I'm down and my brand new year blog started with the colour blue. I've been trying so hard over the pass year to make me change colour but looks like every year, dear God will always give me a challenge to handle. Luckily I had not yet feel sick of it, if not I'll be commiting suicide right now. =X

Blue is definitely the colour for me this season. Skies filled with grayish clouds, I'm always hoping for it to rain and wash my polluted soul and crowded mind. It has been tough for me accepting some facts these few days, but I had swallowed it down and tasted the bitterness in it. "It's alright," I tell myself. To show my perfectly-ok-with-everything attitude, i flashed out my best smile. But seems Darlie and Colgate doesn't agree with it, I didn't get the chance to shoot for the commercial. Not white and happy enough, I think. Nobody will wet their pillows after a photo shoot. *_*

And then I woke up this morning, feeling great reluctance to leave my bed. Stupid post-crying symptoms make me getting unneccesary attention. But i put up a satisfactory presentation although I didn't attend the rehearsal. Assignments building up and classes coming like waves, I'm starting to lose my breath. What's the point of making myself busy? Oh yes, making me forget my meals and get slimmer. At least that is one happy thought ---> I get slimmer. =P

And overall, I gave myself a 6 upon 10 for this new year. I've got new aspirations which I failed, and some yet to succeed, and I hope that I'll maintain what I have for the past semesters. That's what I have, and I'm going to defend my crown!! LOLX..