Ads by Nuffnang

Monday, November 23, 2009

Simplicity is the Beauty

I hate it when people tend to twist things to become complicated. Why can't they just think simple and go through with it? Is it that hard to make things simple?

I admit I'm now in an emotional state, and I might be biased. Because I just went through a psychological shit, caused by someone who don't know how to uphold the platinium rule of simplicity. I now label that complicated person as "H".

Mr. H has been a wonderful and helpful person. We started well, ended well too. But when I tried to be friendly after that so-called ending, Mr. H seemed thinking too much and backing away. Like hell, was I acting like Godzilla?! I was not trying to eat you up or taking advantages from you! Can't you see that?

Damn it that mind of his can't twist simple, it just has to go around and twist everything into big fat furball. Fine! Since you can't accept this hand of friendship, or in your opinion the claw of this Godzilla, I might as well save my time and energy trying to show my friendly side of me. You can fuck off right away.

Why can't things be simple. Why can't the almighty human brain make things easier. If everything was to be easy I won't be cussing like hell right nowl. Damn it!!!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

A Friend

I have a friend who is in his early 20's and enjoyed luxuries in his life. He is a talented man, and with his talent he earned his cash to enjoy the luxury he wanted. That was the first impression when I met him earlier this year, but the truth is we've known each other when I was 16. Yes, we've known each other for almost 5 years.

Before I met him he was a completely different man than I thought he would be. I thought he was a nice big brother who cared about person beside him, and he worked at midnight doing computer stuff. I was not sure about his occupation, I never asked and he never told. Such understanding between us was why I treasure this friend for, he was indeed a special friend when I was younger.

And he went away for better things in his life. I was not devastated, but somehow felt lost. I stopped playing online chatting after he left, feeling there's no more need towards it since the person who would chat late night with me was gone.

But he was back, with a brand new horizon and perceptions in his life. Of course he was different, but I thought that he would be the same person that I've known before he left. When I met him I felt like I was 16 again, the time when I knew this person, when I was so damn naive about this life. But after a while I knew I was wrong, time changed, and things would definitely change.

Although he was no longer the big brother that I know, I still treasure him as a friend. He was a good memory, and maybe knowing the brand new him would be better. But I was wrong again.

Does older means wiser? Because it seems to me that he's having more and more problems that he could not share. I remembered again at older times, when he used to tell me his problems. Now all I can do is to ask him to rest well, hoping he will feel better the next day. He seemed so helpless, I really wish I could help him.

My dear friend, nothing in this world can help if you keep all the problems within yourself. It would not go away, unless you want to speak it out loud and review it again. Maybe it's painful but still, you need to try to let them out! I can help you, believe me. Even if I can't, I can still give you my utmost support or even a simple hug.

Be strong, I'll be there for you.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Do you choose to be natural or romantic?

Many would think that I'm asking crap, but actually you can google this two terms, they don't only carry certain surface meaning.

I am by nature not born pretty, slim or rich. Therefore I've a lot of disadvantages living in this world. Waiters won't give me extra kind services, teachers won't give me extra marks, friends don't give me extra damn. I've always look up to those who are by nature lucky - and with this I mean they are good looking people or they are born without worrying about money.

Those people must have done a lot of good deeds in their past life, if you believe in karma. So does that mean I am a bad person in my past life?

Well heck care about what my past life is about. What matters is here and now, and also the future. So there comes the romantic thingy I'm talking about earlier. If I choose to give in to my nature, I won't sit here now and say these things, because I believe there's nothing that I can do to change my life or destiny, I am what I'm born with.

But you know what, that is a total bull shit. No one must ever give in to nature, because we can always make a difference. So what you're not pretty? Make yourself presentable! So what you're not rich? Make yourself rich!

Effort + Purpose = Motivation ---> Success

Simple quotation as that, people understand but they seldom practice them. I wonder when they would learn their lesson and stop whining about the mistreatment they get and how unfair they've been treated.

Boys and Girls, the world is never fair. Just like comparing your own legs with Gisele Bunchan's, you will never get to that level.

Make your choice, Natural or Romantic? =)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I am...

Have you ever wonder where you stand among people?
What are you to them?
Do you matter?
Will they remember if you're not around?

Do you ever imagine what this life would be without the existence of you?
Will someone get happy?
Will someone get sad?
Will they mourn for you for a little then move on with their lives?

Can anybody know what do you mean for someone?
Are you a precious pearl?
Or a useless stone?
Will the person stand by you when you're head strong?

I stand as a micro person among people.
I'm not significant,
I'm not unique,
I do not matter.
I guess some would remember, though only once a while.

I am as tiny in this world, nothing matters with my non-existence.
Enemy would be happy,
Family would be sad.
They would mourn, but I want them to move on.

Nobody know what I mean to that special someone.
He never show, he never tell.
Not even me, I doubt even that.
I only know when I'm head strong,
I still have myself.

I stand alone tough.
I might have tears,
but I am strong.
With wings,

Post Examination

I admit that I hate exams, but the end of it always made me wander aimlessly for a long time. Strangely, this time I don't get any sense of relieve after the exam, I don't feel lost, I just feel nothing.

This nothingness really scared me. Am I acting abnormal? I should be happy and shouting free, why am I not doing them?

After the last paper I hang out with my friends a little, and started packing bags after stepping in the room. I was in a hurry, wanting to clear out everything and leave that damn place. I suffocated and choked. I tried to be normal, I hopped on the car and get the hell out of that place.

I was running away, no doubt. I don't know what pushed me away.

And I was here, supposedly my shelter. And I got the same feeling. But I'm feeling better, at least I don't have to run away. But I saw things again, things that made my heart sober. I saw pictures and pictures of sweet old memories that doesn't belong to me, everywhere. But I kept silence, I know I have no place to comment.

Stuffs from past now kept messing with my head. I thought about my childhood, when I was in my primary. I was not a popular girl, and I tried hard to fit in. I'm always in the best behaviour, trying to please my friends. I remembered once that I was invited to a party at a rich friend's house. And I happily went, riding at the back of my daddy's old bike. But I was too early when I reach, clearly I have been misinformed of the time. The big gate was closed, and I waited patiently outside. Suddenly the gate opened, I thought they saw me standing like an idiot outside the door, and when I walked in, everyone looked at me as if I was a freak. The maid was actually opening the gate for the master's car, not me.

And I remembered a lot of incidents like this. Me being pathetic throughout my life, up until this point. I laughed scornfully at myself, are these the things that I should be thinking after my final exam?

So I guess I am really a freak. Haunting myself with this kind of though day and night, never giving myself a break.

I tried to get comfort from the shelter, but the shelter now seemed unsafe anymore. I fear I would get peel off if I get even nearer and deeper. I don't want to step foot on the dangerous ground.

I need fresh air. But where.