Woke up this morning feeling tired as ever. The sleeping condition has not improved a bit, where I can only get the very minimum amount of rest. I looked down at my feet and laughed a little; even in the comfort of my own house, the nightmare would not go away.
But I decided to be hopeful for the day, as I was back him for something joyful and festive. Arranging one by one, those wedding invitations cards are divided into different piles according to different address. I saw the small laugh on my parents' face while they were figuring out the number of people coming for the wedding buffet. Their faces were aglow and genuinely happy. So I wanted to feel the same way as well, I want to be happy.
In the afternoon I was out meeting some new friends who were really nice and friendly. I was able to laugh and smile a lot. At least that was a good try. But seeing his face I remind myself not to try on that treacherous path again; he's a good man, I do not deserve a good man.
But he was so kind, his face was sparkling with sincerity. The genuine kind of concern and care; they were all so compelling. The more I restrain myself the kinder he is to me.
So I decided to repeat the same act again. I have to push him away as far as I can. I acted all needy and tiresome. I acted petty and dumb. I acted everything that I hate in woman the most.
But he is still there, standing still as ever. He does not even bother to pull away, instead he asked me why do I do all that. It was as if he knew what I was doing.
And so I gave in, and told him the every vulnerable part of me. And he gave me the warmest hug ever, whispering in my ears that everything will be okay.
It has been so long since I felt some genuine feelings given to me.
Though there's mutual likeness in between, nothing really changed after this night. We remained friends whom I really thankful to. If it was not because of him, I would still be stuck in my old nightmare, thinking myself as pathetic and forgotten.
I should try to sleep tonight. I hope for a good night sleep, which I'm feeling positive about.
Good night, 616. I wish today would repeat all over again.
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