Mask

It was as if the air is acidic. Every breath I take in is burning so hot, that I cough without stopping. I can't believe I'm actually staring at those pains again, while typing out all this pain craps. I know all of these are just craps, but I can't help it. I can only put up my mask for a while, I'm no expert.

Yes. I'm wearing a mask constantly now, that it covers everything within me, about how I actually feel about things and see things. I pretend that there's nothing that can harm me under this mask, because this mask protects my innards. But bloody hell, I am indeed fooling myself. Masks as thin as air can hide me, but can never protect me. I am still as hurt as before, or even worse.

This mask that I'm wearing is shielding me from the people I love. It's more like my shell, and I'm the fucking snail.

Sometimes I really wish to express my feelings more verbally. I would very much like the courage to say everything out loud, but I never succeed. There's always something in between, and mostly it was because of my coward-ness that prevent. How could I change this side of myself? Why am I not protecting myself? Why does it looks like I'm actually welcoming those sufferings to myself?

I need a good mask. But I prefer a person that I can face without my mask. But where?