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Monday, September 6, 2010

Pathetic

It's just pathetic of me, because I don't really have a friend to talk to when I need to talk, when I need to shoulder to cry on, when I need an absolute support. I thought I used to have at least one, but they proved me wrong. Time took it's toll, fate took it's course, as a human, I could not fight at all.

I gave in to whatever bullshit that I need to go through, I cried I ache, slowly I grow out from that path and gotten myself hurt all over again. The circle never stop.

And what's unbelievable, I am the one who likes to dig out all those old crap. I let myself to be in pain, I allow myself to get hurt.

And because of that, I get my own revelation today. I saw what others had to say about me when I paid my utmost love and attention to them. I saw them, with my own eyes, stepping on my tolerance and pride, I saw them underestimating me, I saw them stabbing me with a sharp dagger.

At that moment, I could not breath again. The air was blocked, I gasped.

All these while I've been trying so hard to impose my trust again, I've been trying so long, but all those effort can be gone in just a second. Every phrase that I read is like slicing of a piece of my meat. This was what you think of me, I see. This was how pathetic I was, I see.

Can't you give me the sense of security that I want, though I never ask? I thought you would understand, but can you please do that for me? Can you cut everything in the past loose?

If you can't, then,

can you set me free?

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