The Unexpected

I received an unexpected email from a person that have not contact me for so long. For years, I guess. I opened it with my heart throbbing violently. Well, it's nothing. I guess its the new type of virus that contaminate our mail that it will automatically use your address contact to send emails.

My heart went through a roller coaster ride. It was so high, and suddenly so low.

Memories of that person flooded me at that moment. For quite some time I can't breath right. Something's wrong with my heartbeat. But to my surprise I did not cry, not even a single drop of tears.

My heart went normal again. Unexpectedly, I had fore-go the pain that I used to feel when I was reminded of him.

Unexpected, I'm starting to love this.

Hundred

It's been a while since I've drag myself to this blog. The truth is, I'm hesitating to get my post to the third figure. So many had happened, so many things had changed. I'm growing from a naive kiddo to the person I am now. Can't really claim that I'm all grown up now, but at least I can proudly claim myself as a more matured person that I used to be.

A lot of things had definitely changed, most of it against my will. When I thought of it I used to ask myself if I had any regrets. Well, yes I have. But those things also molded me to the person you see today. So again and again I tell myself to embrace all those changes in life. This life is a gift from God that you should happily accept and live with. So be appreciative of every single day of your life, uphold Carpedieum.

The death of my friend and a few people had make me realised that life is simply too short. I remember the tears that I've shed when I heard those horrible news, especially the one with my friend. We had not been so close, but I'll always remember the way he smiled and the way he said hi to me on the phone. I used to call him in the middle of the night and we would share some conversation. He was such and nice guy, and he was gone. I could not help my tears whenever I think of him. He was such a lovely person, and so was his family. They were all good people. God has loved them too much that He want them to be back to His arms.

And for those people that used to linger on my thoughts, they are now back to their rightful places. They are no longer living in my mind, but dwelling at the deepest corner of my heart.

For you, who's now in ShangHai, I wish you the best in your career. May you return here every time with all the glory and light you've always wanted. You have my best wishes.

For you, who's now in Macau, I wish you the very best of health. May you return home to make your family proud with all those learned skills, and may you have your own career soon.

For you, who's now in America, I wish you the greatest journey of lifetime. May you get all the things you want, and see all the wonders in the world that you wished for.

For you, who's now in China, I wish you love, because you deserve someone better than the one who had hurt you so bad and so long.

For you, who's here, I wish you achieve your dreams that you've dreamt about, and do the things that you are supposed too. I wish you all the best in your future undertakings.

And you, who's here too, I wish you luck and everything. Make your family proud, and always be good and healthy.

I officially end this post with those people that has been on my mind for so long. You are all officially released, on this 100th post of mine. God bless you all.

Ninety-Nine

Didn't update for quite some time, proved that I finally had got myself out of some emo-ness. That's a good thing I guess. At least I don'd sound blueish and grayish all the time. =X

I did some changes recently. Had a super short hair cut that makes me look like a boy. I pushed myself to a diet but not really work. And I turned into the laziest creature I've ever seen! All blamed (or hailed) to my brand new broadband. Cost me a bomb every month but I guess it should be fine. At least I would refrain myself from over shopping, but apparently it had not succeeded too! >.<"

Full of changes in 99. Really change 99. LOL

I really hope for the better this semester. I couldn't really get myself entirely out of my depression, but I really wanted to. Friends, I hope you could help me, although the amount of you all are getting lesser and lesser.

To be ex JB friend who is now dwelling in China, wish you make the best pastry 2 years later. Wishing the best in you. :)

Empty Harbour

A lot of things had happened recently. Some are good, some are bad. These mix feelings always bring my emotions to some level of growth, and that I gained something from it. This time, the lesson is painful, and it still hurts till now. It's something that I can't let go just like that. I guess this time I need much more time than before to digest all of these. Some, are just too big and too much to swallow.

I can't even bear to see his name, let alone to see his face.

But each time the pain of missing that someone would tear me apart, that I could control myself no more. I just had to pick up the phone and dial to that number.

I'm such a coward, I know. I have no determination at all.

When will I have the courage to do the things that I'm supposed to do? I'm not supposed to act this way. I should not have sleeping late at night thinking about him, and let myself cry to bed. I want to be brave, I imagine myself to be a tough woman, but I am not. I am not, when it comes to him, I am not.

After all, I'm just a simple woman who needs a simple hug. After all, I need you, after all.

空港 - 戴爱玲

话已经讲完

爱已风乾
心不再摇晃

梦早已存档
谁在寂寞的空港
催促着离去的航班

只能这样

删去你的影像

就没有遗憾
这次我很坚强

不再有幻想
你的梦不够宽敞
装不下我的泪两行

今夜我就要离航

点亮月光

走进没有爱情的空港
忘掉感伤

忘掉所有替你圆的谎
不必伪装

天塌下来就让别人去扛
没有你那又怎样

你真的不必再勉强
我不会再有期望
今夜就要把你释放

乘着月光

航向没有梦想的空港
面对忧伤

面对明天我会更勇敢
不怕风霜

告诉自己就在这里松绑
没有你就是这样

剪断月光

停在没有回忆的空港
独自疗伤

抱着自己好好哭一场
不再迷惘

不再对你存有任何遐想
没有你不会怎样

就把你遗忘

把你遗忘

I vomited all my guts out after 1 bucket or so beer. Didn't feel right, yet felt damn right.

Went back home with a shitty look, family was worried and scolding. I don't give a fuck, I went straight to bathroom and vomited again, and slept.

Woke up in the afternoon feeling like shit.

Are these the procedures that I have to go through to forget you?

I must have been crazy. After so many bloody hell you gave to me, I'm still in love with you? You've been so bad to me, yet I still put up hopes? Am I crazy or hallucinating? Fuck!

That's why I've been desperately wanting to leave this place. I must be away from the place you're staying in right now. I must go. Forgive me for my stubbornness.

Why things always have to end this way.

Let Go

Everyone tells me to let go. I listened, but I can't seem to do it. Why are you tempting me in every possible way? I tried to hate you but I could not do it. I tried stop calling you but I could not do it.

You know what? All these are just shitty. I'm shitty.

烟

最近有股冲动想学抽烟，想把那些复杂的情绪吸进去再吐出来。这应该算是种情绪上的输送吧，我是这样跟我自己说的。可是我始终都过不了自己那关。这到底是我吗？还是只是一种逃避？就算学会了抽烟又怎么样，我会变得更好吗？

说穿了，我只是想找个借口来让自己堕落。

只有在抽烟的时候，不断咳嗽，拼了命想让自己呼吸正常一点，我才不会去想他。

只有在抽烟的时候，反复动作，规律得让我的脑袋放空。

脑袋一旦空了，我就再也想不起什么。

抽烟，应该会让我整个人都放空了吧。

我终于明白了为什么有人执着于抽烟。

寂寞的时候，有根烟陪着你，似乎是件不错的事呢。

我想抽烟了，你会来阻止我吗？