Everything is not okay

All these while I keep telling myself it's okay. I keep telling myself that everything will be fine. But I couldn't lie to myself any longer, not with those signs and symptoms that I am having.

My stomach is rejecting food.
My body rejecting rest.
My back is aching.
My head is killing me.
My hair is falling.
My lips is cracking.
My face is a mess.

My life is a mess.

I got so scared that I'm having this nightmare repeatedly. I would scream and cry, and the moment I open my eyes and see the dark room around me, I cry even longer. I can't even stay at home now, I'm scared that I'll shock my parents. I can only be alone, all alone.

Tonight I finally let my fears out. I told him everything, but I know he couldn't do anything as well. But his voice is the only familiar thing that could calm me down. I knew it was wrong to call, but I have no choice. I must really clear myself out from his life, it's not fair for the girl. The old one should never present in a new relationship, and among all I should understand that better.

All I can do now is pray. I pray that everything will really be fine, because I have lost strength to lie to myself that way. I must hold myself together again and continue to move on. I need to be that.

And for once, one last time, I hope that you would be here with me, hugging me tight and ask me to be good. You would hold me when I'm scared, and tell me that it's okay.

But all that have to go now. I need to let go. It's not mine anymore.

Everything is not okay, because I have no one. I am all alone.