I Hate This

Another night like this, when my thoughts are wandering.

Quite a number of revelations have been through my mind lately. But none of it can be resolved. I'm kinda losing my touch is solving problems, and I can the direct impact from it. Each and every day I am choked by piling things. Sooner or later I'll be drown to death.

I should be happy, that holiday is coming and I finally have a whole week to rest. But the truth is there are more things waiting for me to deal with once I'm back from this holiday. Lots and lots of new responsibilities that I don't even want to think about it. I am not breathing right, let alone thinking right. I continue to stuff my face with food, and again and again I blame myself for growing fatter and fatter every day, then I continue to eat again.

This sickening cycle has to stop. But how?

And I seek no comfort in other matters as well, neither family nor relationship. I am one man's island.

I really hate to think that I am this alone. Everything has to be on my own. How I long for someone or something for me to lean and hold on. But I don't even know whether such thing exist or not in my life.

I really hate this. I really really do.