Deletion

There was once I was so sad and pissed off by a person, that I could not even bear to see the person's name appearing in my Facebook. I could not bear to see this person updating stuff, and I deleted that person.

Some time later, we accidentally chatted. And I added the person back.

Today I thought back of that time, I thought myself as real stupid and childish.

Today I'm at the brink of the same anger and sadness towards a person, and the same thought of deleting the person's face entirely from my contact reach. And I wonder again - Will I, after some time, laugh at my own stupid and childish act again?

I wasn't sure. The urge was so strong this time.

Will deleting a person's contact save me from all those pain and heartache? Someone tell me?

别再哭了

伤心情歌播几遍了
你的眼还湿红红的
生命总有些过客
现在不过多了一个

结束了何必再拉扯
有些事总该遗忘的
你听着听着又哭了
我明白的谁都难免不舍

别再哭了 多不值得
想一想把爱情看透彻
生活苦涩该他负责
他会后悔他做了这选择

别再哭了 多不值得
失去也是另一种获得
伤心情歌 不属你的
幸福不一定非爱谁不可
难熬的 会经过的

The Nonsensical

I'm glad that all those nonsense have been put to an end. Finally I don't have to feel guilty. It's the day that I'm happily rejected but reborn, as a better and more responsible person.

I should have been more rational to avoid all these pain. It's entirely my fault, and I have no one to blame.

I tell myself, it's okay. I'll be fine, and big girls don't cry.

Frustration From Here

I was asked to change today. I saw it coming, just that I did not see it as early as this. It was somehow embarrassing, but I accept my fault, I have no grudges about it. But when I see some other people took advantage of this, I got rather pissed. So what if I did something wrong, do you have to speculate my every movements in here? It was at the tip of my mouth to voice out my dissatisfaction but I hold my tongue. This is still a place where I don't entirely belong.

The school is like a melting pot that will melt away all your real self and personalities. It will consume you, and eventually you will turn into the same species of teachers you talk about everyday - fat ass and gossipy.

And what happened if you refused to be melt into the same mould? You wil definitely be scrutinized and talked about. No doubt with that.

It is as what I've said, ripping away my beloved freedom. I need my freedom. Some may comment me on my naiveness on this matter, that once I stepped into this profession, there is no turning back. But I love teaching, yes I do, but the people and the system is making me sick, sicker and sicker everyday. The more I be in this profession, the more I see the ugly truth.

Do you know that you're messing with people's mind, when you're messing with students' life?

Do you know that those students that we teach, are those who will one day feed all of us and our country?

So what is the problem with a little bit of kindness? What is the problem with you listening to what they have to say?

Students became rebellious, not because they are naturally born this way. Nobody is born evil or naughty. It is because of the society and surrounding that push them into this. Deep in their hearts, not even one would want to be that rotten apple. Why don't you just listen?

All these frustration is so over-whelming, that I can't even breath right when I was sitting here and typing.

I can just tell myself that all of it will end soon. And my another hell would come soon enough to haunt me like this every single day.