A Shout Out

I knew I've made mistake. I should never get close to you, because I have lost you as my friend. Now that you're gone, you disappear from my life again. Somehow I sensed that this is going to be permanent. I got too close, and you choose to go away.

But I must really tell you that I've never regret that. It might have been the last memory you left for me. I'll treasure them forever, I promise.

Now the silly me is crying in the middle of the night. I really miss you badly, and I wonder where you are. But all this must be kept in heart, because I know I must be strong, and I must not bother you anymore.

I once called you my brother and my friend, and I once blindly hoped that we were more than that. Now all these are just dreams.

I hope you will come back to my life again, someday, I'll wait.

Commitment

This word has been bugging me forever.

I was once at the phase of rejecting commitment, where I think committing to that one and only person is a stupid thing to do. There are so many people out there and you hooked yourself up to just one man or woman? Isn't that a stupid thing to do? So there come a phase where I was wondering myself around different kinds of people, experimenting and trying. That was my past that I was not embarrassed to admit.

Then it reach the age for me to think more rationally. What was so wrong for being committed to that one and only? Isn't that a sacred thing to do? So I started to imagine love to be a wonderful thing for you to appreciate, and that was also the time where I hurt like shit, but without regret.

And until now, I still think commitment is a beautiful thing to give. But that's just me, I understand that a lot of people are still not willing or simply unable to give out this kind of promise.

For that person especially, I understand why you say you want to take things slow. I know I tend to rush things, but that's just the way I am. I grab good things when I see them, it's just natural for everyone right? I know this may sound wrong, but it's hard for me to change the way I am, right?

So please don't just walk out from my life, just like that. You have participated so much before, so I can feel the effect when you just withdraw suddenly. I too will feel pain, I too will feel lost. So if you really want to take away the commitment that you have given before, can you please do it slowly? I will understand all of them, I promise I won't cry.

Please. I had enough for all the bullshits in my life.

Its Been A While

Been laze around for quite some time. Not in the mood to do anything reallty. I practically just dragged myself through everything, especially the final exam. I wasn't even in the mood to read anything properly. I just read blankly and answer blankly, just like that, the exam was over.

I guess it should be a good thing, that the most stressful thing of all was finally over. I simply do not need to pretend that I fucking care anything. I just want to wrap up everything and be through with it. There's nothing much that I miss in this place, except for some fabulous people that I've met during the very last moment that I live. I thank God for the appearance for them all. Thank you for making my life filled with sincere laughter again, I do love you all very much, and I long for the moment that we all meet again.

And that's at least the one good thing and memory that I left in this place call Kuala Lumpur. I came with so much anticipation, but left with much dissapointment with a pinch of happiness. But I do regard this as a happy ending for me in this place, it is so much better than what I've been through at other places. I've known friends and siblings that I could keep for life, and that's great, I must be thankful for being this lucky.

And I'm smiling now, although I'm back to the place that I've once left with so much tears, because I know that I'm still blessed by the love of those who concerned.

At last my blog post ends with a happy note. 89th, it's officially my favourite number from now on.

:)