He's Getting Married

fate is really a weird thing.. it makes you meet someone, fall in love and later set us apart from each other..

i happened to meet someone.. he used to be gentle and caring, and i thought he's everything.. i put all my hopes on him, and for the first time of my life i'm being so damn serious in a relationship.. i even think about marrying him, even meet his parents, even bringing him to meet my parents..

but i guess all these doesn't satisfy him.. maybe i'm not good enough for him.. and he chose to leave me, saying that he's tired of everything.. when he told me about it i just could not believe it.. tired? tired of what? tired of me loving him?

everything just don't make sense anymore the moment he left me.. i tried to patch back but it was a foolish effort.. and later, i thought thoroughly.. maybe we can be friends, and our feelings will grow again, just like the time when we just knew each other.. and he gave me hope.. i thought it's just the matter of time for us to be together again..

the cruel reality wakes me up.. i should have notice that he had someone he love right now.. he's so different and i was blind for not seeing it.. the moment i look at my computer screen about the news, i just can't help myself.. i cried..

" i knew a girl, who's cute but sometimes naughty.. we are happy, and we are preparing to get married.."

the sentence keep repeating in my mind.. his new girl is cute but naughty, and they are getting married.. they are getting married.. they are getting married..

i'm too stupid to have any drops of tears for him now.. but i just could not help it.. i hope he will forgive my tears.. he never like me to drop any tears for him.. i am sorry..

what will you be like when you're married? you must be the most responsible man in this world.. i seriously believe that you have all the ability in the world to make that girl happy, just like the time when you and me are still together.. i was happy..

if time can reverse.. i wish to hold your hand again, and say.. I AM SORRY..

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honestly, i'm really disappointed..

i thought that i can see you tomorrow, but you can't make it.. i know that i shouldn't be angry, i know it's not your fault, but i just can't control my anger and disappointment.. i'm sorry..

i'm sorry because i let you hear my moddy voice on the phone.. i know you feel guilty too.. i know you don't mean it.. i know..

but the truth is, i don't want you to make up anything for me.. i no need you to bring me go anywhere for shopping or delicious food.. i just want to see you.. just you..

Mii Being A Devil?!

i admit that i am a devil..

i am a devil who always follow what my heart says, and heck care about the consequences that are going to take place in my future.. i am a devil who always fight and bounce back to the destiny that lies ahead me.. i am a devil who constantly speak devilish language where people find it unacceptable and ridiculous..

and most importantly, i am a devil because i'm trying to be myself.. i just wanna be me, not like anybody else..

some would say that i'm rather headstrong person.. i've always strive hard for the things that i wanted badly.. and when i say badly, i mean really bad to the extend that i would just do anything to get it to myself.. i guess i have to thank my headstrong personality because it always carries me through big and small challenges by my so-called enemies back in schools, and my headstrong personality is able to held my head high and walk past those people with pride and dignity..

i follow my emotions a lot.. and sometimes i got carried away.. i do a lot of sinful things that i can possibly imagine and when i think back of my actions i sometimes regretted it very much.. but as i said earlier i am a headstrong person.. and i am not going to easily look down on myself because of the silly things that i had done before.. i am not going to defeat myself before somebody did that to me.. i am strong i can handle every situations that are throw to me.. i have to be that way.. i have to be tough no matter what..

so is being a headstrong, emotional, and trying to be tough means that i am a devil among those people that i lived in now? either i fall in love or hate the devil hat lurks inside me, i think that i don't even have a choice to change anything..

angel or devil, when its all about me or being me, i would just take in all..