Puffy Eyes

As I grew older, I realized that my emotions remain stagnant.
The outburst was frightening.
Pebbles after pebbles, when I can no longer hold them back, I stuffed my face into my pillow, silently, yet hysterically shouting for release.

So is this how a person control his vexation?

There's a hole in my heart which can no longer be filled. The ability to heal was long gone.
So ignorance.
I guess ignorance is the best way. When I bury those holes deep, where I cannot see them, I can assume that I never get these holes in the first place.

But sometimes, when the light is dim, and the night is quiet; They resurface.

They too want to breathe, especially tonight. It's been a while.

Forgive me for my weakness and my tears. I too, need to breathe.

Stay strong, will you?

When people doubt, when people shout,

All you need to do, is to stay strong for yourself.

Fred not, wary not,

Every tear you drop,

Is every ounce of strength that would push you to your core. 

Be strong, will you? 

若已无爱

最近越发明显了。你不再开口叫我，也不再回应想我爱我。一个简单的表情符号，是你对我最后的同情施舍吗？

我知道我傻。我知道我该放手。可是我会痛，我没办法开口。

如果你已经不爱我了，那你能不能放我走？

我已经没办法再哭了，我好累。

Colder

His tone is getting colder, his love to me is getting colder. 

We are getting colder. 

Every moment to wait for his reply felt like a decade. Yet when I finally received them, my heart grew even more pain. 

How long must this last? Can't you see that I'm trying so hard here? Why can't you just turn around and look at me properly for once? 

Why can't you just let me go? 

Dog Bone?

So I'm waiting for you to throw a bone at me, so I can continue to wag my tail at you. 

But when will you throw it? I'm waiting, anxiously. 

Or you couldn't care less anymore? 

Outlet

I guess my only emotional outlet would be here, a virtual space for me to let out my every scream and shout. 

I was thinking today. Should I let go? 

One part of me says that I should, another part of me says no. 

I admit, I still love him dearly. He can still makes me smile easily, but at the same time, he can make me cry as easy. 

I want so much to be extra understanding. It is not that I don't see the recent massive changes in his life. But when I tried to put myself into his shoes, I don't understand, why can't he spend some time and attention on me like what he used to be? 

And he changes so much. I could not help but compare. 

Is it because of those changes that I see? 

Or perhaps, it's because of his dwindling feelings of me. 

Is it so, that he no longer loves me? 

Give me a hint, let me know. Please. 

Is it time?

The same thought has been bothering me for months. 

Everything has changed. 

Maybe he did not realize it, but I do. I'm sensitive in that way, or maybe I'm too sensitive about that. But I can't help but make comparisons between 7 months ago and now. 

He used to text me in the morning. 

He used to call me when he finishes work. 

He used to spend some time texting me. 

But now it's all gone. 

I keep explaining to myself that he's just very busy, with his new job title and his other commitments. But everytime when I tell myself this, I felt so low and down. I felt like, I am nothing to him. 

I told him how I felt. But the aftermath made the situation worse. He grew more distant than before. 

He used to hug me to sleep. But now, he turned his back on me. 

All these little signs and symptoms are driving me crazy. He is driving me crazy. 

Is it time to say goodbye? Even if I said it, he wouldn't mind, right?